Reply to Son is Throwing a Ft Because we Won't pay for his College Education

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have three kids, in which my 17 YO DS is the youngest. We have always been clear: we don't pay for college, they do. His older sister paid her own way through college, and the middle son decided not to go to college and currently works as a manager at a fast food joint.

We expect all of our kids to get a weekend/summer jobs as soon as they can. Both the older ones did (DD used it to cover what scholarships didn't and DS used it to rent an apartment). We made it clear that we would not be paying for their schooling, and they were expected to be self sufficient after turning 18 (with some possible budging if we thought it was worth it).

DS refused to get a job and even when he sends in applications, he does not follow up. We feel like we have given him every chance to do so.

He is now a junior in high school, and has been pushing us to take him on college visits. We have told him, in no uncertain terms, that we do not believe he has the ability to afford schooling even if he suddenly got a job and saved all his money. Since we had this discussion, he has been freaking out and acting up all the time. Picking fights, refusing to see why we won't spend hundreds of dollars on college visits to schools he will never even apply to.

I'm just sick and tired of all of this. We gave him every opportunity to get the money to pay for college, and he has ignored every attempt. He goes to a good school, but only gets ok grades, from age 13 we have pushed him to get a job, yet he never even seems to try. And now he seems to think he is entitled to a college education.

Is there any way to prove to him he is not prepared to go to college?[/quote]

College is pretty hard to finance without some help from parents. I think there is a middle ground between coddling a kid and helping them. FWIW, I think the coddling is as bad or worse than what you're doing.

Is there a reason that you don't help with college? If it's financially impossible, I totally get it.

If it's to make your kid self sufficient--some kids are more mature than others and they may come by it naturally (your daughter sounds mature). Thirteen year old boys who need to get jobs and delay gratification- good luck. Probably why your other son now works in fast food instead of planning for his future.

We put aside an account for college that we donate to regularly. We've explained to our kid (not college age) that university will be a job. If he does poorly, we will stop paying. If he's a bad investment (immature, irresponsible), we'll have him defer, get a job, grow up, then we'll help when he's ready.

Best to you- I think you're a hard ass. I think kids take in hard parental lessons when parents are supportive amd loving. Your child may or may not appreciate you later.

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