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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread is to me the perfect example of why Kids With Special Needs should be taken out of Recent Topics.  We have asked Jeff to do it but too many people, including SN moms, said no.  Here we have toxic posts from people without special needs kids and without any knowledge of autism that are really mean and damaging.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

+ 1 as well, though I have no opinion on where this forum should be located.  But parents with SN kids, especially on the spectrum, frequently have to discover and re-discover how poorly understood these issues are by others.  And as parents, we learn to develop alternative strategies to correct behaviors that might otherwise lead one to simple Pavolvian discipline or even to anger.

The fact is that when kids get "stuck" in these modes, they are often struggling and most in need of patience and guidance.  And positive reinforcement is often several times more effective than criticism and punishment.  I'm sure there was many a time the parents of this child had to put aside their own perfectly valid emotions for a bit and to guide their child through something, because merely declaring one's "right" to be upset/angry/sad accomplishes exactly squat.

This grandmother may not "get" all of that, and she may miss her beloved dog, but she's an adult, and if she's a socially functioning adult, there's no reason to tolerate her making snippier and snippier comments and ultimately telling this child, who was expressing concern about her emotions, not to talk to her.  The parents can take a crack at explaining this to the grandmother if they wish, but if this grandmother is inclined to indulge her desire to be pissy with a child who is visibly struggling, the parents need not tolerate that, irrespective of the grandmother's mourning for her lost pet.  I'm sorry, but the dog is gone; this is a real live child, and a grandchild no less, in person and struggling in front of you.  If your heart is closed to that, then you needn't be around the child -- for the child's own protection.[/quote]

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