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[quote=Anonymous]OP checking back in after 24 hours. Fascinating to read all the responses. I've been almost entirely a lurker here for the past couple of years, so it's interesting participating more actively.

Some more details on our situation. My wife will have a government job, and the hours will be good (i.e. she can do daycare pickup every day if needed), but there will be no flexibility beyond that. It's just not that kind of situation.

A bunch of people have commented on baby sleep times trending later as he gets older. He goes to bed at 8PM now. Will that really get later in the coming year or two? (We can barely stay up past 10.)

There have been comments about my worry that she'll want to stay at home and quit the workforce entirely. I do worry about this, but she assures me she's not interested in quitting work altogether. She wants meaningful work on her own schedule, or at least on a flexible schedule, and there don't seem to be many models for that for lawyers. And she doesn't even want to do legal work, it's just that she's not really qualified to do anything else, and straying from the path is tough when the legal path keeps validating you (if not satisfying you).

As for delaying the second child, I think we'll want to actually hasten the arrival of #2. We had to use IVF for this one (my problem, not hers) and so we'll probably be anxious about trying again relatively soon. I expect a second kid would only exacerbate the problematic career-dynamic we're dealing with, and the financial one, but I don't think we're going to let any of that stop us from trying. Having a baby is truly the best thing that's happened to us, we love him to death, grateful every day for our luck and privilege, and are willing to throw caution to the wind for the chance of another, no question.

I don't think she's depressed, and there's been no pregnancy-related mental issues that we're aware of, but it's something to think about. I fear even raising the question would arise her ire, as she doesn't particularly like to have her anxieties and dilemmas attributed to hormones or chemicals--and neither would I.

As for me, I'm struggling to come to terms with the prospect of my having to be the primary--and perhaps even sole--breadwinner in this family, despite her having much higher earning potential. The fact is that it requires one person to be extraordinarily lucky and prosperous to match the salary of two merely successful people. Add to that the concentration of risk in one person's career, and you have the makings of lots of pressure on the breadwinner. I just hope I'll be able to make enough to compensate for her making a lot less.

In the short term, I expect we will soldier on for a year and see how things go. The important thing, obviously, is that the baby is healthy and happy, that we are contending with the problems of the very lucky and privileged, and that we both have families that in emergencies will be there for us.

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