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[quote=Anonymous]OP,

As a mom of 2 (one newborn and toddler) and an attorney, I can sympathize with your wife's feelings.  I moved to government before we had kids b/c I saw that the firm life was unsustainable for having a balanced family life.  You mentioned she was moving to the government.  Is she absolutely sure that she has to work 9 to 5?  A lot of government agencies allow you to start earlier than 9 am so she could definitely gain more hours w/ your child that way.

For example, I am now shifting my hours to the earliest start time available which is 6:30 am.  I will be teleworking 2 days a week and working an alternate schedule (80 hrs in 9 days so I have the 10th day off).  This way I will only have to come into the office 5 days every two weeks.  This will save greatly on commute time.  I can see my kids in the mornings I work from home, during lunch and without the commute gain an extra 1/2 hr of time before my youngest goes to bed at 6/6:30.

With my first, I did the two days a week telework for a while (as I was pumping) and at that time it helped since her bedtime was 7.  It is now 8 pm, so I'm not as worried about missing out with her.  (When we had our first child, both DH and I shifted our schedule so we would only have the nanny 40 hrs/wk.  Many working families need at least 50 to cover commuting time.)

I would never quit my job (we have a pretty high mortgage since we live very close to DC) but I have been on maternity leave with my last child these 4 months and I have really enjoyed the time out of the office to spend w/ both kids.  That said, staying home full time has got to be the hardest job there is, particularly when there's more than 1.

Tell your wife that it will get easier.  The baby will start to have a later bed time.  She may get to have different work hours (which can make a ton of difference), including alternative work schedules.  If she's still feeling like this, maybe try saving her salary and doing a trial run living off of your salary for a while to see if it's manageable for you both.  Some agencies offer leave without pay for up to 1 yr.  I don't know if she would qualify right away, but if she still feels like this, she could give it a trial run and still return to her job if she changes her mind.

good luck.[/quote]

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