Reply to Son with ASD banned from Grandmother's

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "Son with ASD banned from Grandmother's"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] That is NOT bitch behavior. It is a person taking care of her emotional well being. Just because someone is a grown up does not mean they aught to get their feelings hurt OVER AND OVER AGAIN (!!!). It wasn't a one time question. It went on for a while.[/quote]

Wow!  Please go back to the General Parenting board.  A grown woman cuts off contact with her grandson because she can't handle questions like "Does Grandma miss her dog?"  from an austistic 7 year old, and you're concerned with HER emotional well-being?!?!   Obviously you don't have any experience with austistic kids or you would know that "over and over again" is pretty much the most common characteristic of ASD.  Not an excuse, just a fact.  OP said they try to redirect him and tell him not to talk about it.  They are trying.  Grandma isn't.  That's bitch behavior.[/quote]

I am the PP quoted. I am diagnosed with Asperger's. I am a grown woman. If one of our cats died it would be the same for me as it might be for you to lose your child. I could not stand to constantly be reminded and asked about it. I would certainly consider requesting a break from that to help me get over the first initial time of grief.

Nobody but the person himself/herself can judge how much something impacts their life emotionally. I often don't understand why stuff bothers people...the same goes for others understanding things that really bother me. You keep repeating something that is not true: Grandma WAS trying. She didn't loose it the first time the question came up. And nobody but herself has any idea how hard it actually is for her to deal with the repeated questions. Just because she is old and the son is young doesn't mean anything. Anything at all.[/quote]

Autism is different for everyone and clearly your symptoms are different that of the OP.  The other difference is you are an adult who has learned to filter things and this child has not had those life experiences yet even though it clearly sounds as if mom is trying.  [/quote]

I am not saying the child is doing something wrong. I am just saying that just because the child has autism and can not stop asking those questions that does not mean that MIL shouldn't have a problem with the subject being brought up again and again. Knowing that my broken leg will heal in 6 weeks does not make it hurt less right now - just because she knows it's not his intention to hurt her does not change the fact that mentioning her dead dog hurts her. Why is that so hard for people to understand?![/quote]

We all very much understand that it is hard for her but it isn't something that the child can help.  So, basically mom is at an all or nothing - either kids stops which they have tried and its not working or they stop the relationship with MIL.

Every time my child goes into the nursing home to see my MIL (at least weekly) he will comment on something and ask again and again so I get where OP is at.  He is just trying to figure it all out given how his brain works.  He will constantly ask "where is the woman's teeth" - he asked the woman and the daughter said she didn't brush them well as a child, and it was great as now he brushes them for that woman.  I wish I could do a mute button at times and I do try too but sometimes it just comes out, over and over again.[/quote]

Why is it always black and white for people? MIL didn't say she never wanted to see the child again. It is VERY clear that she spoke out of a momentary need situation. She asked not to bring him until he can stop asking these questions. She couldn't take it anymore. The answer is not to never see her again or to hate her for needing a break. Seriously? The answer is to talk calmly to her, voice that you understand that the questions remind her of the dead dog and that you're sorry that it makes her feel so sad...acknowledging that it's a problem for her might be all she needs. And then try to come up with a plan together. No need for the Mom to do it all and know it all.

"MIL, what if next time we meet outside while going for a walk - maybe not sitting at the living room table for 3 hours will be enough distraction to DC to not ask all the time?"
"MIL, I am so sorry DC keeps asking I just want you to know that it's not to hurt you, it's because of his autism - I am trying my best to redirect, maybe you have an idea I haven't thought of yet?"
"MIL, maybe we'll not come over for a week (or however long would be considered a break, considering how often you usually visit) and see if it helps us all calm down a bit and regain some strength."

You and your DC are not the only two people involved in this and respecting and honoring EVERYBODY'S emotions in a situation like this might just be the answer...[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics