Reply to Ways to make life move forward when everyone else is having babies and you aren't and probably won't

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Reply to "Ways to make life move forward when everyone else is having babies and you aren't and probably won't"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]PP here. I appreciate your response. Part of my comment was prompted by the frequent expression on these boards of needing to avoid pregnant friends/people with children because it's so painful. It's heartbreaking because it seems like you're doubly cheated then-- of a child and then of your other relationships. OP said herself that it feels fake to engage in a lot of activities meant to distract from the pain of infertility and asked for alternative ways to cope. I simply wanted to offer some thoughts on the counter approach.

I'm sure what you say about other parents' reaction is frequently true, and I didn't mean to gloss over the potential difficulty of it. I should have expressed more thoughtfully how it might come about, but an obvious prerequisite is having friends or family with whom you have a close, trusting relationship and share similar values. In my experience, many people are indeed open to-- and often crave-- someone else bonding strongly with their child. [b]For our family, my son's godfather is that person. He's a single guy, my husband's closest friend. We love him, respect, would trust our children's lives with him. He's often with us on or around holidays (he has his own extended family), always for birthday celebrations. He attends my child's school as the honored invitee on grandparent's day where they read and do a project together, have lunch, watch the class presentations. My husband and I both have wonderful extended family and siblings we are close to but they live far away. DS's godfather fills a void in our lives and we are blessed to have him.[/b] I see similar dynamics among friends' families in DC, as so many of us moved away from our hometowns and families of origin. [/quote]

OUCH! Once again another poster said the hurtful response so much better than the person going through it. A single guy really knows the pain of infertility and solves it all by hanging around this poster's wonderful children.
That is somewhat like saying, "oh your Dad died? Sorry to hear that! Mine is in a nursing home. I will give you the schedule and you can visit him at Sunny Horizons! He's a Dad, too"
PP I would respectfully suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself when you are around infertile people IRL. Seriously.[/quote]

My example of DS's godfather was only meant to counter pp's point that other parents are reluctant to let someone else take a significant role, nothing more.  Has nothing to do with the pain of infertility.[/quote]

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