Reply to my parents are not the type of grandparents I wish they could be....help me accept this fact!

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Reply to "my parents are not the type of grandparents I wish they could be....help me accept this fact!"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am baffled, completely baffled as to what is wrong with your parents having their own lives.  They come to every birthday, they see you at some holidays, and they are delighted to see you at other times when you visit them. [b] That is a LOT.[/b]

You sound like an entitled brat who can't believe that your parents' lives don't revolve around you and your kids.  They are retired and want to enjoy their own hobbies, travels, and pursuits.  I can't fathom what could be wrong with that except that you expect them to consider you and your family one of their main hobbies.

You are all grown up.  Their JOBS are done, both with parenting children and in careers.  That's a lucky, successful progression of their lives.  Now they can enjoy your company occasionally, knowing they raised you and you are independent and flourishing.  Please stop feeling entitled to their attention and adoration.  You will enjoy their company more when you stop feeling entitled to it.[/quote]

Just because you capitalize it and make it a statement like a fact, does not make it anything other than an opinion. Its a very COLD and MINIMAL relationship. See what I did there?

No more or less valid than the way that you see this situation. Its very family specific. Not one set of feelings or "rules" applies.

[/quote]OK, I'll keep value measures out.  OP's parents see her children numerous times a year on various occasions, both celebratory and ordinary.

I'm trying to do as she asks - help her accept the fact that she has involved, living grandparents to her children, but that she and her children are not their primary hobbies in retirement.

They also don't share what she considers deep, meaningful conversation.

Love the parents you have, not the ones you feel entitled to.  It's a pretty good mantra for every relationship.  Love the kids you have, not the ones you feel entitled to.  Love the husband you have.  Quit feeling resentful because people are not everything you wish them to be.  Work on what you can control: yourself.[/quote]

OP here... you make a fair point without the nastiness.  I get it.  like the mantra you said too.  Very true.  [/quote]

OP, I did have a really nasty reaction to your post.  In fact, I closed DCUM in disgust after I read it.  Your parents sound like they've got LIVES, and that is just so great.  My dad is dead and my mom has dementia now (she's only 70) but they had no friends, no hobbies, no travel, no retirement savings. They were entirely dependent on me and my brothers for support, validation, company, anything.  Mostly they just sat and watched TV.  They loved us very much. I appreciated them once I stopped trying to change them.

My in-laws are divorced. Neither has a single friend or a hobby in the world.  All they do is smoke (MIL), watch TV, buy things off HSN, and wait for us to call with stories about the grand kids.  They have no where to go, nothing to do, no interests but us (but they're not the babysitting type)....they like to come over and spend the day just sitting and watching us interact with the toddler.  They are sedentary and in bad health.  They can't be persuaded to go anywhere or try anything new.  If DH doesn't call for a couple of days, they freak out because they have literally nothing else in their lives.  Their company is not at all enjoyable but DH feels pressured to have them over often because he has the pretty crushing burden of being their only reason for living.  We love them but we don't enjoy them.

I'd trade you any day for healthy, loving parents who have interests, something to discuss, meaningful existences other than TV, and interests other than the minutae of our daily lives.[/quote]

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