Reply to Regret Marrying Someone with Kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stepmom here with kids who live cross country.  Don't regret your marriage based off of the kids.  Your husband needs to parent the kids his way in your home and not allow the behaviors.  Its hard when he hasn't been allowed to be hands on but he needs to step up with mom in terms of visitation schedule and such.  I don't think the two sets of kids should be treated the same.  They are two different sets of parents and grandparents.  Everything is not always going to be equal.  Too bad they share a room - they are only there every other weekend.  It would be different if they were there full-time but if you cannot afford a bigger house, then they share.  Its ok kids share rooms.  It is only a few more years... it goes by quicker than you realize.  It seemed like forever till my husband's kids turned 18... oh, the joy of child support ending as well as his ex's terror.  Things are much better for us with all that stress gone.  Do your best, treat them well (its ok not to love them in the same way you love your kids) and hang in there.[/quote]

Thanks for this.  How often do you see the kids now?  Does your husband feel like he has a good relationship with them? And do you have kids together?  [/quote]

We never see the kids.  Only one will talk to him and it is only for money or to get something from us.  That is the youngest who just had a kid.  I think it is more the girlfriend than him but either way, we've given up.  We sent a bunch of gifts for the baby and didn't get so much as a thank you.  He rarely responds to texts and emails. The two older ones refuse to talk to my husband at all.  They were like before me.  The strange thing is his ex-wife is nice to us now.  They email and Facebook occasionally and she texts us when any major event happens here to make sure we are ok.  But, its too late for the kids at this point who were told many negative things about their dad.  We have one child together.  I don't think the kids mind or care.  The youngest/girlfriend did come out once when our child was born.  The ex will ask about him when she emails.  He loves all the kids, but he doesn't have the same attachment to his kids as ours sadly.  He has always been hurt over losing his kids.

Its hard but do hang in there.  Once the control from mom (i.e. kids ages and child support) end, she has nothing to hold over him/you and your attitude changes and its just different.  We waited till child support was done to have a child (partially it took a while too) so it really did not impact them in anyway as it is with you.  Do your best to support your husband and care for them.  Don't expect or force yourself to love them.  Its how you treat them and welcome them into your home that is far more important.  Do not feel that you need to do equal.  Your husband pays child support to buy things at their mom's home.  They are just visitors in your home given the schedule.  If they want equal, they need to spend more time.  I wouldn't feel bad about things like equal vacations with your family.  If you can afford to take them and they want to go, great.  They can go with their mom or with their dad's family.  [/quote]

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