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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a hateful thread.  She is giving you things because she is thinking of your family. It may be a misdirected action but the sentiment is not misplaced.

There is something called grace. If you cannot change a situation for the better then the graceful thing is to accept it with a smile and a "thank you".

You can distribute the food, distribute the clothes, donate it etc.  The issue seems more that OPs house is a mess and any thing more that comes to her house triggers a stress response in her.

Ask your MIL - would she be willing to chip in some money to get you a professional organizer?  Share your concern about how your house is cluttered and you want to declutter it.  These are genuine concerns - but not worth alienating your MIL.  And how do you think your DH feels about it?  Do you think that he thinks you are a nice person or does he think you are a mean person?

Do not create unneccessary tensions in your family![/quote]

OP here.  I mean, I'm asking for input and I appreciate it but I don't think it's fair for you to say that the thread is "hateful" when I open it by saying I already feel bad about this and am looking for ways to deal.  I think your comment is far more "hateful" than my thread.

Point about creating unnecessary tensions is well taken, but my point is more that I'm not so sure these tensions are unnecessary at this point.  Are my choices to fill my house with my MIL's clutter or get a divorce?  Surely not.  I would argue she is creating some unnecessary tensions by not respecting reasonable wishes.  I honestly don't think it's particularly graceful to say thank you for something and then immediately hit the salvation army box - to me that's not grace, that's placating.  But some others on this thread have made the point that it might be worth placating - if so, fine.

My DH agrees with me on the merits but is sensitive about the tension... that's actually part of why I wanted to ask for advice.

Thanks again.[/quote]

OP Hoarder relative here. Look there are lots of hoarders and borderlines hoarders out there. It sounds like you MIL is one of them. Refusing anything will hurt her feelings and so will putting DH in the middle. Just take it and trash it without guilt. There are times in your life when you don't have time or mental energy to "recycle" all this junk. Its not your job, anyway. Just use your local trash service. Also Purple Heart will come to your home -- but check out all the stuff they don't take. We are practically drowning in JUNK in this country. Every time I get rid of more of MILs junk, I have more room in my home and it stays so much neater. Space! You are paying $200-400 a square foot for it.[/quote]

She definitely sounds like a hoarder. Ever watch Extreme Hoarding?  A lot of those people featured actually rent additional storage space for their hoard because they've ran out of space at home. Your MIL is trying to use your house as her additional storage space. She can't get rid of it, so she sends it to you. She wants to use your house as her free storage room rather than pay for a big expensive room at the U-Haul facility. It would be a nightmare to tell her no, we don't want/need it. She'd go into panic mode. To her, this stuff is treasure. It's telling that she's not giving you anything of use or value. Seems like there is little to no real thoughtfulness behind her giving. It's not generosity. It's "where can I put this stuff? I know, my son's house!" [/quote]

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