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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it is really ok to stand up for yourself. You need to find a place where you are ok, even if it is not ideal.

You might also consider seeing your MIL less, seeing her in public places where she can't foist furniture in you, and/or sending DH and using that time to so something nice for yourself.

Anything you can do to relieve that mental burden. It sounds like you need a break.[/quote]

Thanks.  That helps, and you're right.  I am under a lot of stress and[b] this is only one example of the issues with MIL, frankly one of the less serious ones. [/b] I really didn't want things to be like this, I wanted to have a good relationship with her, but it has gotten to a bad place and I don't feel comfortable at all around her - being around her gives me a lot of anxiety and I always need several days to recover from one short visit.  It's really not a good situation.  I will continue to try to figure it out.[/quote]

PP here.  OP, you sound like a kind, reasonable person who has made a good faith effort to have a relationship with her MIL.  But if the overgifting is the least serious issue...there are major problems with your MIL, and they sound beyond your fixing.  So, it's time to stop hoping for a good and normal relationship with your MIL and start thinking about what's reasonable to expect given the situation you're in.

For now, I'd invite you to "drop the rope" as relates to your MIL.  What that means is that you stop doing anything as relates to her.  No phone calls, no e-mails, no sending photos of the baby, no gift purchases, no visits...tell your DH that your MIL is getting to you, that you're taking a break, and everything related to his mother is now [u]up to him[/u].  Does he want to visit his mom without you?  Will he call and schedule a visit?  Is he relying on you to keep her updated about the baby?  Step back, way way back, and see what kind of a relationship naturally occurs with DH in charge of the relationship with his mother.

If he protests, ask him if you expect him to do those things for your mother. If she's as much trouble as you describe, I think you might find that he won't do half of what you've been doing with you also involved.  And if he comes back from visits and complains, just acknowledge it and move on.  Let him stew on it.  You use that time to clear your head and see what might be a tolerable standard for your involvement in the long term.  Ultimately, you might both need a counselor, if you're dealing with a hoarder or other untreated mental illness, but for now, for you, the best thing you can do is step back.[/quote]

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