Reply to Niece called me hysterical. Teen pregnancy, brother kicked her out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We planned how many bedrooms we needed based on the number of kids we have. We had our kids at a specific point in our lives. We have a three bedroom small house. We don't really have a good space for a teenager. And her potential baby. We planned our family, financially. That's all I'm saying. It's one thing when you take in a child or two because their parents died, through no fault of their own. It's entirely another when a teenager goes wild and gets kicked out of her house while pregnant and asks to be taken in.

Last sentence says it all.   I think the PP who was raised (unhappily) by the teenage parents had the best advice.  Just start asking your niece questions as she "thinks this through".  Do not volunteer support and politely decline to provide it if asked.

"Can I live with you and have the baby?"
"Umm, no, honey.  I already have kids to raise, and we don't have the space here to do that---this baby is your responsibility---so let's talk about what that means."

Then, "So how do you plan to support yourself?  Oh---public assistance, huh?  Well, let's sit down and do the math on that.  Give her the stats for welfare, food stamps, section 8.  Look at the rental ads so she can see the cost of housing.  Ask her if she plans to continue school.  When she says yes---show her the costs of childcare and ask how she is going to afford it.

When she says she'll get a job, ask what she thinks she is qualified to do at 15?  If she says, "Starbucks", then show her how much a minimum wage barrista makes.
Just provide lots of data.  Help her build a spreadsheet.  Explain that if she wants to go to the movies she will need a sitter.  Explain cost of sitter.  Just be pleasant, and matter of fact, but do not volunteer to raise her child.  And---depending upon the age of your own children---leave them with her for a good solid period of time and let her babysit.

This is the best advice I've seen so far.  Undermining her brother's authority or enabling her niece's behavior is not going to help the situation.  SInce the niece wanted to make adult decisions, she needs to face adult consequences.

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