Reply to Can a little cheating actually SAVE a marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For those who say that having an affair is breaking one's marriage vows, isn't the very act of getting a divorce also breaking the vows?

A couple marries for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer ....... as long as they shall live. So what justification is there for getting  divorce assuming that one's marriage vows are sacrosanct?[/quote]

You win.[/quote]

Classic straw man. So no, you still lose.

Ending a marriage is very sad, especially when there are kids involved. And I absolutely do not advocate ending a marriage for anything other than abuse or infidelity (which is in fact  emotionally abusive). I would never leave my DH if he were ill or lost all his money, etc. But your comparison is farcical, so no logical person has bothered to weigh in to point that outuntil now.

Look, people divorce. But you can end a marriage honorably and respectfully. Cheating is dishonorable and disrespectful. And the people who need a straw man to bolster their rationalizations are just pathetic.

[/quote]

Someone I know well married in her twenties and in her thirties her husband had what he calls an "awakening" and joined a Christian cult - but she did not follow him in joining this group. The cult he belongs to does not permit divorce and permits only minimal interaction with anyone who is not part of the cult. So they live in the same house, interact to a minimal level, have not had sex in over a decade since he joined the cult and they essentially just share a house.

He has cut himself off from his parents, siblings and just about everyone else.

She will not seek a divorce because she believes in her marriage vows and that her marriage was for the rest of their lives. She said that she married him for "better or for worse" and this just happens to be the "worse" part. I feel sorry for her at one level but I also admire her because unlike most people she actually believes in her marriage vows.

Her husband, who I knew well before his conversion, is a fine, decent man who loves his wife and family but he just happens to have taken a path that has made her life a living hell. I view what has happened to her as emotional abuse and she would likely agree but she does not see that as grounds for disavowing her marriage vows. Needless to say, she will not even consider having sex with anyone other than her husband.

So PP, I would submit you are the one indulging in rationalizations.[/quote]

What rationalization do you think I am "indulging" in? And what does cheating have to do with your friend's situation? Her DH joined a cult, and frankly, I wouldn't leave either in that situation. [/quote]

You are rationalizing that "for worse" does not include infidelity of any kind, so that it justifies you breaking your vow. You are rationalizing that the two things you can't tolerate,  abuse and infidelity, are the only things not covered by "for worse." Oddly, "for worse" does apparently include JOINING A CULT and icing you out of everyday life even though you live in the same house, like the couple described above. The point is that you are deciding what you can and can't live with and are not as governed by your vows as you would like to believe. [b]Interestingly, traditional marriage vows don't explicitly include monogamy. But they do explicitly say til death do us part.[/b] [/quote]

Actually, traditional vows include some form of "forsaking all others". Forsaking means to give up or pass by. [/quote]

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