Reply to Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]....maybe they don't have money because they spent it on sending DH to private? just something for you to ponder.  that school you are so fond of was once funded by the inlays who now need your assistance.

some of these replies are cold-blooded. [/quote]

What we heard up front was that they worked for a long time and just didn't save. My parents sent me to private schools, but that is [b]not [/b]the reason they are destitute now. They worked for decades and earned a high income [b]after [/b]they stopped paying for my education. During those decades, they failed to practice good financial defense, so they didn't save as much as they could have, and they also squandered what they did save after retirement. If you add up the money they squandered plus the money they failed to save, you are looking at an extremely comfortable and secure retirement that was [b]stupidly thrown away[/b] -- and this had nothing to do with what they spent on me thirty years ago.

So yeah, I owe them, but I'm not the reason they're bust.

As for the cold blooded part, you may not have dealt with this type of situation, but they will drag you down into the pit of irresponsible bankruptcy if you let them. Not even kidding. They flat-out lied to me about their situation for many years ("oh no, we're fine" - while they were pissing money away hand over fist) and then openly defied me when I finally intervened (e.g., two days after I told them to stop spending any more money, and specifically said not to pay anyone anything, they paid $2,000 for something stupid and then lost another $1,500 in cash, and I still don't know where it is).

In short, you have to be cold blooded for your own protection. You must control what is done with your money. If you give them control of your money, they will throw it away. Do not expect them to alter the habits of a lifetime.

You also need to be cold-blooded with the other relatives who are "unwilling" to help financially. It should be clearly understood up front that the family members paying the bills should get full control of any remaining assets and should become the beneficiary of any life insurance policies.[/quote]

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