Reply to Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As uncomfortable as the conversation would be, [b]all the siblings need to pitch in to pay for the preferred assisted living[/b]. If that doesn't happen, no I wouldn't take it on yourself. It is a far bigger financial black hole than private school and one you can not easily remove yourself from in the future.

Also, don't be too hard on them for not saving. Having parents in the same age bracket I can tell you that neither of my parent anticipated living into their late 80's while they were younger and working.  Your in laws may have thought the same and calculated retirement needs that have already run out or started to run out.  The may have never envisioned living to 90 or older.

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[b]It doesn't work that way.  You cannot make adults pay for something they do not want to fund[/b], unless maybe you steal from them, hack their bank accounts, jump them in an alley, whatever.  An adult is going to do what s/he is going to do - end of story.  As my mother used to say, "you worry about yourself."

OP, you do sound like a class act.  Best of luck to you.[/quote]

of course you can't force them to pay up. but OP should explain to them all now that of the in-laws money and assets will go towards paying their bills now and there should be no expectation that there will be anything left to inherit.

I have seen a similar scenario played out a few times over the years.  Despite the kids knowing that their parents were in a nursing facility, that the facility cost money, and that a family member or two were responsible for paying for the nursing facility and doing so entailed using the parents assets, the grown adult children were still shocked when the parents passed to find out there was nothing they were going to inherit.  There was some illusion that the sibling that was paying the bills was doing it from their own pocket and working to ensure their would be an inheritance for the other family members.      [/quote]

Are you folks even reading this thread?  OP says that all assets have been liquidated and they are living with her SIL until a long-term situation is determined.  There is nothing to inherit.  Her in-laws need all their money for their own living expenses.  OP, is considering whether to give them more money to allow them to live in a nicer assisted living facility. 
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I am the one who posted the advice and yes, I read that but also know that sometimes "all assets have been liquidated" means all the assets that could be traced easily or proven.  This doesn't mean there are not other assets (expensive antiques, jewelry, art, etc )or just our right cash that they have.   And this is why there is hold out of hope for an inheritance.  If the OP is going to truly use all of their available assets and cash to pay for their living expenses she needs to make that clear to the other siblings.

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