Reply to I have an abusive husband....

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I have an abusive husband...."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. 20:26 and 20:33 are insightful. He is kind of a man that would battle me for the girls. He does have a strong emotional connection to them, especially one. To PP, I really appreciate your input criticism and advice. I am a strong person, I am well put together, educated and I am confident I could build a new happy relationship. It is my marriage that I do not want to give up on just yet. I guess I realize now that I was also looking for comments from those who have stayed and ended up working things through. When things are well, I do love spending time with my husband, I do like him, I do care about him. He's always apologized for being mean, etc, and especially when the girls witnessed anything he made sure to let them know he was wrong and that this behavior was not acceptable.

I see that most times he is trying, remembers birthdays, anniversaries etc, helps out, does nice things for me.  It's the times he can't control his impulsiveness and just blurted out in anger making me feel very sad, hurt and disrespected. 
[/quote]

[b]This doesn't sound like abuse. Abusers never apologize and twist the truth to blame the victim. [/b]

Is there something in your past that might make you think that normal arguments are abusive? Have you been to counseling?[/quote]

:shock:  This is so fucking wrong that I thought it was a joke. Many abusers are VERY apologetic after an abusive episode, promise it will never happen again, they love you so much, they love you TOO much and that's why they get so upset (then they throw in some victim-blaming while they're at it - "when you ____________ it makes me so mad that I can't help myself, but it will never happen again, you just have to stop _____________, you're the most important thing to me in the world and I would never hurt you on purpose", aka: you made me do it). 
[/quote]

You're right about physical abuse. But I'm not sure it plays that way with emotional abuse. [b]I don't think emotionally abusive people realize they're abusive, and so wouldn't assume they have a reason to apologize[/b].  At least that has been my experience. [/quote]

This is true. You have to realize that most abusers have traits of personality disorders or they have full blown disorders. Some PDs apologize but some never will. Narcissists are unlikely to apologize unless it is a manipulation. Emotional abuse is complex psychological torture. It is not just verbal abuse. They play games, they withhold love, they use the silent treatment for long periods of time, they make promises and then immediately switch them up and pretend they never said that, they gaslight, they wake you up at night to do things for them, they don't know the meaning of respect. And they tend to justify all of their behavior and blame you. It is true that a custody case can be very difficult with a person who has a PD. Read the book [i]Splitting[/i] for the best information on how to approach family court with an abuser. They are likely to lie and accuse you of things you never did. Collect evidence as soon as possible.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics