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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]This does not sound like bullying - I hate how that word gets thrown around.[/b]

It sounds to me like they were having fun, got carried away, and went too far.  Help your daughter clean up, talk about it a little, then let it go.  [/quote]

:lol:   :lol:  :lol:  :lol: PP, that's SO funny how you just dismissed OP's daughter's feelings.  :roll:

It wasn't funny to her, so it's NOT having fun. It's mean behavior. And if it's mean, time to intervene. [/quote]

[b]Maybe you have younger children, but your advice here is absolutely wrong.  You do not intervene everytime someone is mean to your child.  At this age, the child MUST learn how to handle things herself[/b].  Are you going to intervene when someone is mean to your child in high school?  In college?  The only way she will learn is if she has practice.

I do agree that OP's DD should be validated.  I think what PP was saying was that its possible the other girls thought this was a light hearted, fun joke.  They were wrong, obviously, because OP's DD's was hurt.  but its possible they didn't see that coming and will feel remorse.  That would be the best outcome.  And it won't happen if Mama Bear calls out the other parents.[/quote]

Actually I am the parent of middle school and elementary aged children. And I am a principal of an elementary school who has done quite a bit of research and practice in the area of bullying prevention. I'm sorry PP, but your point is so off base and indicative of an attitude that perpetuates mean and bullying behaviors. Expecting kids to just handle things on their own is exactly the WRONG thing to do, both as teachers and as parents. We have to be proactive AND reactive. Yes, if it is mean, you have to intervene and explicitly teach kids why that behavior is not okay. I'm not saying we should tar and feather these girls. But it does need to be addressed head on. And yes, when I know, learn about and/or observe mean behavior, I do intervene. I let everyone know, both the kid(s) who were being mean as well as the kid(s) who were targeted, that the behavior is not how we treat one another. It is up to adults to help kids figure out what it acceptable behavior and to be explicit about that. [/quote]

It scares me that you are a principal. You can validate someone's feelings and introduce alternate explanations for someone's actions. People feel differently when they understand a situation differently. Have you never felt one way when someone did/said something but then after talking it through or hearing another interpretation you realize that you misunderstood or misinterpreted the person and/or their intentions and now you feel differently. Your insistence that these are mean girls and that this is bullying and that you would intervene and teach these mean girls a lesson is pretty scary. What about talking to the other girls first to understand what happened from their perspective? What about discussing how misunderstanding and misconceptions happen and that is important to talk about things before jumping to conclusions? What about trying to help the girls work out this situation in a way that doesn't separate the girls into mean girls and victims? What about looking at the history of the friendship and realizing that likely this is resolvable without ending the friendship? Someone this you can do without an adult jumping in the middle and taking over. Op can talk to her daughter about what she could say to help her friends know how she perceived it and to better understand their intentions. Kids do need to learn these skills and they need to know that adults have confidence in them being able to handle situations with adult guidance but without adult interference. Her daughter might come back and say she tried to have that conversation and it didn't go well and adult action might happen at some point to support her daughter. However your approach to this is quite horrifying. You may have done too much research on bullying prevention and not enough on conflict resolution, communication skills, understanding perspectives, assertiveness, problem solving etc... [/quote]

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