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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thank you call for your helpful comments.

I did help my DD clean up, and had her sleep with me in my room.  It took her until 2 am to fall asleep, as she was crying and in disbelief.  I myself was so distraught I had chest pains and did not sleep until 5 am.

More detail:  DD considers these girls to be her best friends at school.  This is what was so very painful for her.  The two friends typically do not get along at school, and DD has been a bridge between them, as they seem to trust her.  DD is even keeled and doesn't get into drama or gossip, but that is what i think attracts these girls to her.  One of them is typically very compassionate, and this was completely out of character for her.

This is what I did with the situation:

I sent a short email to both parents at 3:30 am, letting them know there had been an issue that we need to talk about, nothing urgent, and that I will be dropping their daughters off the next morning early.

I waited for the girls to wake up, which was 7:15 am.  I asked the three girls to get together with me and sit down, in as non threatening a way as I could.  I told them that something not very nice happened the night before, and described to the two friends that DD's face was pretty much defaced, that she was terrified when she saw herself in the mirror, that she cried herself to sleep until 2 am, not believing they did this to her.  I then asked DD to describe her feelings, which she did to some extent (I wish she had been more vocal, but she was not.  It was a good way for her to practice saying how she feels though.  I agree with previous posters that I need to work with her on that)

The friends at first tried to deny it ("oh we only put lipgloss on her lips"), to which I said "let's not go there, I know what happened."  I was very even keeled throughout.  I told them I know they were not meaning to hurt anyone, and asked them how they would feel if friends did that to them during a sleepover.  They both said they would feel hurt.  DD also tried to convey to them how painful this was to her.  I explained to the girls that I will be dropping them off at home asap after breakfast, and that I have already notified their parents that the sleepover will be ending soon.  At this point they got tearful and appeared scared they would get in trouble with their parents.  I was throughout very nice to them.  I explained to them that DD considers them her best friends, and that today is a great day to take time to reflect on treating friends with love and respect, and good day to think about why they were sent home early.

I then called each parent, and calmly discussed the above.  The parents seemed concerned and disappointed in their daughters.  The first parent was less vocal, but seemed concerned and compassionate.  The second parent was very disappointed and handled it so very well.

I dropped off both girls at home by 9 am, told the parents that this is an opportunity to teach our girls better behavior.  DD gave each one a hug at drop off, and the girls hugged her back and seemed sorry and concerned at being in trouble.

The ONLY concern I have now is why DD was not more vocal.  I need to talk to her about that and help her stand up for herself.

For the people who refer to pranks as part of growing up, I don’t accept that.  I frankly don’t care that hurtful behavior may be commonplace when growing up.  It is hurtful, cruel behavior and needs to be changed, and if it is commonplace, we need to evolve beyond it.  When we sleep, we are vulnerable.  If someone takes advantage of that, they need to be taught respect and boundaries so that we can give them a chance to trust them again, slowly.

I don’t think our friends meant to harm.  I think they acted very stupidly and without thinking, did not stop to think about consequences, and I think after today they will think twice about pulling something like this again, at least to DD.  I hope they grow beyond this to develop more understanding and compassion.

More importantly, I hope DD grows to stand up for herself and be more vocal when something is not right, and it is my responsibility to make sure that happens.

Love to all.

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