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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "What are Fair Expectations for Stay-at-Home Dad"
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[quote=Anonymous]New poster here. I haven't read all of the pages but I did read your initial thread and the past two comments OP made. Here's what I think: 1) I agree that "how much a SAH parent is able to do depends on the child". I am a SAHM of 4 kids all under the age of 6. Our oldest is in grade school most of the day, the middle two are in preschool a couple mornings a week and the youngest is at home with me everyday. I have the best intentions in the world and a morning plan that I try my best to get through but the children honestly drive that train. If they didn't sleep well then they are cranky and really need Mommy. This also means that I am breaking up constant squabbles and placing little ones in time out often. Or, there's the morning where we get a late start and I am rushing around like crazy and all I can do is get the kids dressed and where they need to be on time. Basically what I am saying is that I asking us, people who aren't your husband or know your child/routine personally, may not be a great starting point. Every child and every family is different. 2) I see a problem with time in the play pen and the TV/Video Games. While the child is awake, Daddy should be engaging him, watching him play with his toys. A child shouldn't be stuck in a play pen while Daddy enjoys his "games". It sounds to me like Dad thinks this set up is more of off time for him instead of a position in the family. As a Mother, I take my kids to play groups, the mall, the library, we meet friends for lunch or have friends over with packed lunches. I understand that DC may be hard for some of this but your husband needs to kick his fun to the curb and concentrate on the child. 3) Why doesn't your husband work? I don't say this to be rude but am genuinely asking. I don't know if this is the case but many men take working and providing seriously. Maybe his lack of motivation with the child isn't on purpose but a reaction (and not a good one) to being depressed or feeling like a failure since you are bringing home the bacon. Does he want to go back to work? 4) Nagging never solves anything. Believe me, I wear the Queen Nag crown. I have learned that my husband has a button that turns off and he doesn't hear me when I start on him about something that I have said over and over and over. I know him not listening isn't a good thing but I think it is often times the way I communicate my feelings. I'm a bulldozer kind of person and like to tell it like it is. You wouldn't believe how much our approach matters to our men. And, they really take value to what we say. Could he really not understand the speech delay? Could he really not be cut out for this arrangement? Could he be feeling poorly about himself and not able to voice that to you? How do you come to him and talk to him about these issues? Are you being supportive? Are you letting your resentment and annoyances build up? [/quote]
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