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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]WHy do most of you base decisions on money only?
Aren't you willing to give up a few years of income to have extra time with the kids?

Why do most of you base everything on money?
Not just money but income potential in the future?

I'll take some less income Potential in the future in order to have extra time with my kids.[/quote]

Since SAH is a decision that impacts finances, both parties need to agree.  There may need to be compromised made to afford that choice, like living further out, renting instead of buying, smaller scale home, taking a job with longer hours or travel that pays more. There is also the stress that it puts on one person.  If work is getting unbearable you don't have the luxury of taking a break from work or else the mortgage won't get paid. If you hear layoff rumors you have to worry about having no income to support the family.  You also may have to look at how you plan retirement, life insurance, and disability with only having one wage earner.

Also don't all those studies mention financial stress as being one of the major causes of marital conflict and possibly divorce?  If the desire to spend more time with the kids and not work outside the home comes at the expense of being in a partnership with DH/DW in the end you won't be giving your kids stability if it leads to marital arguments and/or divorce.

Back to OP, you can't force DW to get a job and you don't know if it is the lack of desire, fear of not being as good now that she is out a couple of years, or genuinely tough market even if she is at the top of her game.  You can however revisit the family finances based on SAH including downsizing to take some of the financial pressure off and help meet the bills and no babysitter half time. If I had become a SAHM I would have needed a small part-time job (maybe retail) to earn extra money for mom mornings out or become part of a babysitting swap.  Also, make sure you have discussed the division of labor so to speak.  Yes,childcare, making dinner, doctor appts etc. fall to SAHP but it can't be 24-7. It's a labor of love but still labor.  So maybe you have dinner cleanup and bedtime duties plus some one on one time with the kids on the weekend.  My DH would bring the oldest with him on errands or to the play area when DC was younger so I could get a break on the weekend.  The younger one was very tied to me but one trip to a breakfast place with dad as a toddler and it was momy who.  Setiouslybits nice to see they have traditions and time when they don't have to compete with sibling for attention.

Good luck.  You are in a tough place.  If you don't think conversations will go well with spouse, you may want to get counseling to help you through this rough patch.

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