Reply to How long can you go without sexual intimacy as a couple?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At one point, my wife and I were having sex every 3 - 6 weeks.  I finally talked to her about it. The talk made her sad. However, I was surprised to find out that she thought I was cool with it. Turns out that being a laid back husband, trying to give her the space she needed, and not focusing on sex backfired on me. Contrary to what I'd been led to believe, pushing for sex can be the right thing to do.

We're up to once every week or two. Still not as frequent as I'd like; but loads more tolerable. 
[/quote]

So is it "duty" sex or does your wife activity participate?[/quote]

More often than not, she gets into it once we get going. It just takes awhile to get her engine running. I'd love it if the mere sight of me made her quake with desire. But, I've come to terms with the fact that I have to be the one to get things started, and I have to do most of the foreplay to get things going. But, once I've done that, she comes on pretty strong. [/quote]
. . .

It took a while to come to this understanding, though. DH is not an aggressive guy and his default had been to wait for me to show interest, then proceed. This was fine when we were in our 20s and had nothing to worry about but ourselves - I had so much less on my mind, then, and could spend an entire weekend lazing around our studio apartment showing interest. But the reality is different now, and we've found that a bit of assertiveness from DH really makes all the difference. It's more work for him than it used to be, but I think he finds it worthwhile.[/quote]

I'm the quoted PP above. I also probably fall into the "wait for her to show interest" camp. Part of that is because I deeply internalized the message that women are constantly being raped and pressured into sex and I don't want to be that guy. (Even today, I read some stat that like 20% of women are raped or pressured into sex by the time they're 18.

Tough to reconcile my desire that sex be based on her enthusiastic consent with her need for me to be assertive to spark her interest. [/quote]

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