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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm sorry you're in this situation. There are a lot of very taxing situations that a family can find themselves in, and this is definitely one of them.

When talking with your husband about this, I wouldn't use "you are a leech and I am embarrassed by you" even if that is true. I would focus on the degree to which your family is struggling financially in ways that can't be fixed by his family giving a swift infusion of cash. I think it's GREAT that he has family who is able to help when you need help. Many people do not have that ace in the hole.

That said, I think that your attitude that he must provide for you financially or else you cannot respect him is a complete crock of shit. Your husband is trying to grow a business. He is caring for your child. You say that he needs to contribute? He IS contributing, the same way stay at home parents with part time jobs contribute to the family. I think your attitude is sexist and materialistic and I can't say I blame your husband for responding to you in an angry way.[/quote]

Staying at home is something that should be agreed upon by both parties.  He needs to take her feelings into consideration.  There is a lot of pressure associated with being the only person bringing in money into a household.

He is not contributing in the way that they agreed upon and is taking advantage of his family especially if they are strapped for cash.[/quote]

PP here. Yeah, I get that. I agree that it should be agreed by both people. I just find OP's attitude of "he was supposed to provide for me and he doesn't and now I'm embarrassed by him and don't respect or love him because he is not a good provider" to be sexist. Because that's what her attitude is. He's a lazy man who is failing in what she believes to be his primary duty.[/quote]

Unless you are in the situation, you need to stop throwing around words like sexist. I am seriously feminist in belief and action. My husband lost his job while I was still bleeding from childbirth, and I had to cut short my leave and bonding with my newborn to go back to work. Reality is reality, and the different sexes aren't the exact same. Please. 
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Did your husband assume the role of primary caregiver?[/quote]

You would have to explain what you mean by "assume the role of primary caregiver" and the significance you think it holds. What if I was planning to be a SAHM? What if we had agreed to it? What if we both worked full time and I seriously shortened my maternity leave? Perhaps you just like to talk out your ass. Feel free but do not call the poor OP a sexist for doing what she can to keep her family afloat. That just makes you sound sad and confused. [/quote]

I'm the original PP who you instructed to stop throwing around words, and I stand by what I said. The OP's belief that it is a man's job to provide financially for his family - his childcare and housework contributions do not count as pertains to the respect she has for him, which she has stated is decreasing as a result of his lack of paid employment - actually does reinforce sexist gender roles where a man's job is to provide financially for his family, while the woman's job is to be taken care of financially by a man and tend to the home and the children. This is a completely separate issue from the family struggling financially. If your ability to love and respect your spouse is directly tied to them living up to a gender-based obligation, the way the OP has said many times (by being embarrassed by him because he's unemployed, not respecting him because he won't get a job, etc.), then yes, I will call you a sexist. Because it's true.

That said, I think the OP's husband sounds like a loser. Lost his job when his child was born and has not had one for her entire life. He reacts violently to his wife's attempts to talk about it by throwing things around. I think the OP sounds frazzled from being the only person bringing in any money into the family, and is sad because of the choices she's forced to make as a result of this (fewer hours of childcare for their daughter, accepting money from his parents, etc.). But I also think it sounds like they both have a lot of pride that they could stand to let go of.  The husband could take a job that isn't the best job ever. The OP could get over her attachment to the idea that a man is obligated to provide money.[/quote]

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