Reply to Is it possible to learn to enjoy sex with someone after years of bad sex?

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Reply to "Is it possible to learn to enjoy sex with someone after years of bad sex?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

The problem I have with this argument is that you are describing mating behaviors. Yes, biologically women are drawn to the alphas, but after 15 years of sex, marriage and sharing a house, kids in the next room, those hormones and that rush of chemicals from infatuation are long gone. When you can't rely on that romantic love/mating behavior whatever you want to call it, you have to step it up in other ways. That's when the whole, love is patient, kind, blah blah blah comes in. You have to work on building an intimate relationship to keep the sex interesting. [/quote]

My hypothesis is that those mating behaviors never go away. The alpha behavior simply diminishes and, along with it, the sexual passion. Guys are told to emphasize the sorts of good behavior that supports a long term marriage, enables them to provide a house, makes them good Dads, and reduces conflicts with their wives. And those aren't bad things; but they are not sufficient. A guy ends up in his mid-40s feeling like a chump -- he did everything he was asked to do and, in return, he gets a wife who dreads bed time for fear he might try to touch her. I think we also have to tell guys that it's necessary for them to keep doing the things that make them sexually attractive - go work out; learn how to dress well and spend some money on some sharp clothes; maintain your own hobbies and guy friends even if it ruffles feathers from time to time; don't be afraid to be decisive. Initiate sex in a way that makes it clear you still find your wife so damn hot you can barely control yourself. (E.g. skip the tentative pawing hoping she'll "take the hint"; or asking "do you want to do it"). [/quote]

I'm the poster you are responding to, and I def agree with the last part. Women (and I am) like to feel WANTED and pursued. I get that men do too. For us, we met young, early 20s, and I had just spent the last almost decade dating young guys who were not shy about pursuing sex and pursuing it hard. Truth is, I never learned to initiate. I suspect most girls don't. It's taken care of you for you for the most part. So I was kind of clueless when we had been together for years and his ego started taking a bruising, and yeah, it was a cycle because it's not attractive to a woman to feel like they have to validate the dude. It's a cycle and you get in a rut....

The good news is, people continue to mature and evolve and grow up and your sex life needs to do the same thing. If you get rid of the expectations so many of us have, and start communicating like a grown up, you can go a long way to a great sex life. I think too many people give up and settle. Hence divorce, affairs, sexless marriages, etc.[/quote]

Thank you for the encouraging words, you are so right.[/quote]

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