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[quote=Anonymous]
This is you husband's issue as much as yours -- in fact it should be almost entirely his issue. HIS sister wants to visit THEIR parents. He deals with her, period.

If he agrees that he doesn't want to visit the parents with her: "Sorry, with the baby and the holidays it's too much. We aren't going to visit mom and dad when you want, but if you do, that's great." If she whines that she needs backup or says she won't go unless he goes, etc., he should not cave to the blackmail. "Sis, I"m sorry you feel that way, but you're an adult and it's up to you whether you go or not. We are not going. Next time we do go see mom and dad on our own schedule, I can let you know. But we're not able to go at the time you're suggesting." If sister then presses for another time to go, he needs to say that your family's not talking holidays right now.

Next time she visits you at your place, he tells her point blank: "What car rental company will you be using? I can e-mail you some contacts if you want. But we can't drive you while you're here -- with the baby's nap schedule it is very difficult. But we'd be glad to get you information on rentals." Period.

As for church: I am a churchgoer too but I think you are far, far too invested in the idea of her spending one hour in church as some kind of quid pro quo for four hours of hauling her around. She does not want to be there, period. Yes, her way of handling it was not very polite or gracious, especially as she knows that church is important to you, but she has a right to say no to even your wonderful church that means a lot to you. Let it go, let it go, let it go. There are much bigger issues here, like-- Why are you fretting over this when your husband should be the one dealing with her every time?

You and he both need to get some backbone regarding sister. She visits, she rents a car. She wants to see parents, she goes without hand-holding. If your husband caves to emotional blackmail from her, he needs to toughen up. So do you; don't let her drag you all over the place with your baby in tow. Just say no. Many, many cabs will gladly take her to Dulles at midnight.
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