Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]@11:13. Yes, I did borrow it from the library.  I am sorry, unlike you, that i found nothing useful in the book.  I am not iin a mutually satisfying and healthy relationship with my BPD spouse.  I am tired of giving 110% to the rekationship snd getting nothing back. I refuse to accept her rages, verbal and ohysical sbuse and her serial infidelity.  Her BPD does not give her a pass to treat me like dirt, whether she "wants to or not."  I have a right to be happy and to love too.  I will no longer subsume my needs to hers.  Let her get ehat she needs from one of her "lovers." You are in a relationship with a chid. You are not in one with a BPD adult, do yiu are in no position to judge. [/quote]

13:14 OP here. I have not read all the back and forth on this topic, but here is my 2 cents: Whether my husband has BPD or not, one thing is clear: he has a pattern of feeling entitled to special treatment for his rage and demeaning verbal abuse that means I am supposed to not do anything to trigger him, AND I am not allowed to get upset myself about anything. Especially not anything HE does.

He really does NOT see at all that this is "nuts" and totally unreasonable. He really doesnt. Im not sure if he got a diagnosis that it would not make things worse, as in "I am the way I am and you have to love me anyway and be understanding" when he does not do the same. He lacks empathy for ME and what he has put me through. I know he feels bad about it, but he does NOT empathize. He feels like HE is the victim. Its rather hopeless sounding, isnt it?

Your wifes serial infidelity is a total dealbreaker. Abuse is abuse, regardless of cause. To cheat over and over and expect the other person to absorb that betrayal, Im sorry, I dont care what condition that person has, that is a real character flaw. Can we agree? I mean, that is just not ok. If she is incapable of fidelity, and you married with the idea that you would both be faithful, then its not fair to impose a culture of infidelity that the other person does not control. Its not like both people saying "hey lets see other people".

Stranger, I feel for you. The position I am in after 20 years of marriage is more than a bit excruciating. I have come to terms, or am tyring to come to terms with the fact that my marriage has been taken from me. I have been the recipient of terrible verbal and emotional abuse, and I was blamed for it, and lived with the shame of this happening to me despite me being more than smart enough to know the true source of the problem. I now am peeling away the layers of hurt and realizing that inside I am pretty much the same compassionate and clear headed person I was before, only I was not treated as I was expecting. And there is a sense of loss of the person who once treated me very differently. There is so much more. But I cant even type about it any more. I am so tired.

[/quote]

OP, when did your husband take a turn for the worse?

Several things are making me think he probably does not have BPD.  First, it usually starts in adolescence.  Or early twenties.

Second, it is much more common in women than in men.

Third, apart from these unacceptable outbursts, you haven't described anything that sounds like BPD.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics