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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I have separate accounts and agree on who should pay what, based on who makes more and what is fair. It's not 50/50, it's based on income proportion and what makes sense. It works well for us. But it would never occur to me to ask to be "reimbursed" for my maternity leave or some portion of it. My husband is not my insurer. It seems to me you are basically asking him to take no income in place of you having no income. Why is it more fair for him to take a hit than for you to take a hit? Does he make twice as much as you? That would be the only circumstance that would make sense. It seems to me that if you had the expectation that your maternity leave would be fully funded, that should have been discussed between the two of you prior to your taking the leave, and the length of the leave negotiated (and the funding source as well) prior to the leave. Your hitting him up with a bill -- essentially -- after leave is really kind of inappropriate. One final thought. His duty is to pay for his child's needs, which I assume he is doing, and to provide a home for you. [b]No husband pays his wife a salary[/b]. [/quote] Hi OP. I get where you're coming from. While PP's statement is probably a true fact, that doesn't mean it's the way it should be. Women's economic power (and thus every other kind of power) is diminished in society precisely because "no husband pays his wife a salary", i.e. women do a lot of unpaid work for family that is never compensated in any way. It's good you brought this up at the beginning of child-raising, because there are gazillions more ways that society thinks that you should be spending your time (uncompensated) in raising your baby. All the PP's who said, "you should have discussed it before" have forgotten how impossible it is for the childless to really have a full understanding of all the changes that come with a baby and how impossible it is to predict what you'll do in advance. The fact that most women are OK with this set-up, doesn't make it right. Thanks for striking one for the patriarchy! I hope you and your husband sit down and have a long conversation about what equitable child-raising is going to look like. [/quote]
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