Reply to SO: How do you fit into a poor or primarily minority public school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids' ES is about 45% Hispanic, 35% White, 10% Black, rest Asian and other. Definitely a majority minority school but no one group is really dominant. The demographics in each classroom are pretty much the same as the overall demographics and my kids have always had friends from all the groups, although many of their best friends/play dates tend to be with kids from our neighborhood, who participate in the same activities they do like scouts and soccer. A higher percentage of these kids are white, but about a third are minorities.

So anyway I feel like we and they fit in just fine. Parents can communicate via class email groups or use the school directory to look up each others phone number. My kids have learned a lot about other cultures and families and traditions in learning about their classmates and made some great friends.[/quote]

This has been our experience in our school also.

But to be honest, I don't think there is a "fit in" scenario. I think there are distinct groups and it just happens.  As my child gets older, I am less and less inclinded to push her towards diversifying her friendships for the sake of diversity.  She is going into 4th and the difference in attitudes between the groups of families at the school is obvious.  Basically what happens is the smart hispanic and black kids gravitate to the white kids after a while.  This is what I have observed in our school and I am not saying it is true for every school.  Hispanic parents value education and really want their kids to finish high school and maybe some even think of college.  But limited experience and time in this country often leads to them believing many jobs that are still lower paying are "professsional" such as dental assistant, CNA, receptionist.  They want their kids to not do manual labor and see working in an office setting as a "professional job".  I have often heard the Hispanic teens in our high school say they are going to continue with "school" after they graduate and they are referring to some kind of certificate or trade not college.  There is little emphasis on extra curricular activities and low participation.  Black parents stress the importance of education by saying they believe in it and paying lip service to their kids doing well but their never seems to be much true emphasis. The same mom who says that her kids need to do well in school will say in the next sentence their kid plays hours of video games a day.  It is highly stressed that kids need to graduate from high school but there doesn't seem to be much expectation after that as to what kids should do.  Extra curriculars are more important and there is moderate  participation.  White parents expect their kids to get perfect grades, do well, go to college. There is no discussion of graduating high school because it's a given.  Extra curricular activites are important and this is high participation.

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PP- I'm wondering what kind of school your DC attends? And where is it?

My AA DD excels in academics, takes tennis, swimming and piano lessons. She is among the most popular kids in her grade and constantly is invited to (and hosts her own) parties and playdates, mostly with her Caucasian and Asian friends (her schoolmates gravitate to HER). DH and I are in finance and live in a high SES neighborhood.

I don't discount your feelings (people know what they see - right?) - I know that you know that there are people out there who don't fit within the parameters you've outlined in your post. DD sees the doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc. in her family and has "decided" to attend the Université de Paris.

I wondered what kind of area your DC's school is in that has lead to you seeing what you've seen. I totally agree with not pushing friendships for the sake of diversity. I wouldn't want someone to be (or not be) my daughter's friend because she has brown skin or green eyes or dimples. I would want them to be friends with her because she's kind, empathetic, funny, creative and awesome (IMO)  :wink: . In our house, completing high school, under grad AND grad school is a given and DD has know from an early age what's expected.  DD understands that she's privileged and from what I can see, the ONLY thing that makes her different from her friends is her skin color- not her work ethic, speech patterns, behavior, drive to excel, etc.

When I volunteered in a school a few years ago I saw many of the things you mentioned in your post and it was disheartening- but the divisions existed more strongly along class lines than racial lines in that school.
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