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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP, I am in the reverse scenario, as the female married to an Asian DH (but our decision to marry was not based on anything relating to acceptance of guests). I have experienced what you describe, with the in-laws doing their utmost to be hospitable to us when we have visited them. But in our case, we are limited by our lack of space (apartment), and cannot accommodate anyone (maybe one person) with comfort. I can imagine if we had our own place it would be a completely different scenario. Still, it is hard for me to share space with guests for weeks at a time, as I am more private/introverted. Could I know, have you learned the language of your in-laws, so, is communication relatively easy?[/quote]

Communication with my FIL is relatively easy since he speaks fairly good English but with my MIL it is more limited. Between her rudimentary English and my even more rudimentary knowledge of their language communication with her is a challenge but we approach it with humor and patience.

I can understand if there are space constraints, it would be difficult though if we have several house-guests at the same time which does happen the kids are more than willing to give up their room and share a room with their siblings so that the house-guests can be accommodated comfortably. I have never once heard them gripe about it.

I, too, tend to be introverted but the great thing is that they don't expect to be entertained and catered to ......... they are part of the family and don't expect to be waited on hand and foot. I do find visiting them in their country to be more stressful because they have guests who pop in all the time and I am required to make an appearance and chat with them. I do so and depending on how much I have in common with them, I spend either a few minutes  or much longer chatting with them.

When we have visited them, they will not let us spend a penny on anything: they actually tell us that when we are staying with them it would not be appropriate for us to have to pay for a thing! They are reasonably well-off but not rich by any means . Their hospitality is expressed in three main ways: making sure we are comfortable, feeding us endlessly with anything and everything we want to eat (and don't want to eat) and showering their grand-kids with gifts and especially jewelry.

This whole thing about one's attitude towards guests is admittedly cultural and also what one learns from one's own parents. My own parents interestingly have become more hospitable and they acknowledge that it is their interaction with DW that has brought about the change. I wonder how some of those posting on this thread about the sheer drudgery of entertaining relatives will feel when it comes to their own children viewing visits from them as being a burden to be dreaded.

[/quote]

Thanks for explaining, PP (I'm the poster you replied to). As others have commented in response to your additional details, I think one main difference is that you do seem to have ample space in which to welcome guests (friends/family) comfortably. We just don't have this now at all. It is also extremely fortunate that your in-laws can speak English (at least mostly your FIL). In my case, the extended family do not speak English (maybe a few words, just like me in their language); so that, coupled with the lack of space and my nature of being more introverted/private, make it challenging to find enjoyment in spending extended time together. There is only so much gesticulation one can do, although we all do try our best.[/quote]

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