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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Buy the boy a present.  Let his relatives and adults give him money.  It's inappropriate for his friends to give him money.[/quote]

Wrong. [/quote]

I disagree.  Give the boy AT LEAST $50 or $100 for goodness sakes - his parents probably spent $25,000 to $100,000+ for this thing.  It's a big deal.[/quote]

Exactly.  In check or savings bonds.  Whether you like it or not, that is what is expected.  Not a toy or stuffed animal. And it is also expected that the money will go into a college fund (no it's not in the Torah).  Expectations do vary from locale to locale.  For Miami relatives who put on huge production bat and bat mitzvahs, a large cash amount is expected because in that culture the bar mitzvahs are enormous events that took two years to plan and because we are relatives.  In NYC where the party was held at Windows on the World (one of the towers), I did several hundred dollars in savings bonds in the young man's name.  For a recent VA bar mitzvah for very close friends, we gave a check @ $350 in multiples of 18.  But these were very close friends of us, the parents, not the child.  And when our child's weddings come around, we know they will do the same for us.  These events are very important events for these young men and women.

Our son attended a private school in an Eruv in Potomac.  We are not Jewish, but many of the kids in his class were and we just happened to be at that school when all the bar and bat mitzvahs rolled through (@ age 12/13).  He must have been invited to 20 bar/bat mitzvahs.  Some were incredibly elaborate and expensive with enormous ballrooms, orchestras and parties that went on past midnight (I know - I had to drive to pick him up).  Some were Conservative.  Two were Orthodox bar mitzvahs.  We even received "save the date" mailed announcements with the kids' photograph on the STD (not from the orthodox families).  Generally, our rule was if our son didn't want to sit through the religious part of the ceremony in the morning then he couldn't go to the party later.  In other words, we were emphasizing the religious coming-of-age aspect to the event.  And we had to pick and choose because there were just too many mitzvahs.  But for those he attended, where we didn't know the parents, we would send a check of about $90 to $128.  Flame away, but them's the rules.  [/quote]

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