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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband is a good guy. He is a doctor and I am a nurse- together we make about $230K. My BIL is also a doctor but his wife (my husband's sister) is a SAHM. Their HHI is probably around $180K. They have [b]three kids[/b], we have two. My husband and I have separate checking accounts and credit cards. Basically he pays for the mortgage, major expenses, etc and I pay for daycare and fun stuff (cable, vacations, etc). My IL's are always complaining how poor their daughter is because her husband only makes $180K, and they have three private school tuitions and live in a small very expensive house. I don't feel sorry for them because they choose to live in that house, send the kids to those schools, and for her to not work (she has two degrees is just not interested in working, not because she is disabled). We live in a small house, send our kids to daycare, and I work full time.

We recently went on vacation with my M/FILs, my BIL/SIL and their [b]three kids[/b]. The BIL/SIL were almost not going to come because the flights and hotels were going to be "too expensive." I had purchased the tickets for our family two months ago with my own cc. I see in my husband's CC statement last night that he paid for their hotel and their plane tickets. Their plane tickets were $1000 more than ours [b]because of the third kid [/b]and the late purchase. This isn't the first time he has paid for something for them because they've whined about cost.

Clearly this is a DH issue, not an IL issue. I know that. I need to know how to discuss this with him for it infuriates me. I have no problem with him being generous to family- I just wish he would tell me. I feel he doesn't tell me because [b]he knows it pisses me off[/b]. It makes me feel like the money I make to purchase things for our family doesn't mean anything- if anything it makes him feel more ok to spend his money on them. Why am I working if we are funding her to be a SAHM?

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You don't sound very nice OP.  Would it make you feel better if your SIL left that pesky [b]third child [/b]home instead?   And I missed something, is your DH cutting them a check every month to cover expenses?  Or is he just treating them to a nice vacation that they otherwise couldn't afford?  If it just vacations then I don't see how this is funding her ability to be a SAHM.  Maybe your DH enjoys having his family around and wants to include everyone.  I think you just want to be able to go on these fabulous vacations and then rub it in SILs nose that she couldn't afford to go.  And you answered your own question as to why he doesn't tell you.  It pisses you off, and then you will sulk and make every one's life miserable.  I suggest you quit working, become a SAHM and then your family will not be able to afford these luxurious things.  In reality, you have been blessed with a wonderful DH who is generous and kind.  [/quote]

Bullshit.  Her SIL can certainly afford a vacation at 180K HHI, but she's prioritizing staying at home in an expensive house and sending three kids to private school over vacations.  It's fine to do that, but you can't cry poor if you've got money for private school for three kinds PLUS you choose not to work.

[b]The difference in their household incomes is not great -- basically, it's $2,000 a month.  So OP's husband essentially chose to spend a couple of months' worth of this WIFE's income on his sister's self indulgence.  He's using his wife's labor to subsidize his sister sitting on her ass at home while her kids are at school all day.

That's not being generous.  That's being a patsy.  And it's completely disrespectful of his wife.  She's going to grey mad about this for good reason!!!!

It's one thing if one couple hit Lotto and wants to treat the other.  But SIL's family lives in luxury, works less, and cries poor.  OP's family lives more frugally and works harder.  Why should they subsidize laziness and self-indulgence?  I would FLIP if my husband did this.[/b][/quote]

+1000

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