Reply to MIL: Always trying to separate me and the baby?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP Here - Had a brief talk with DH last night and told him I'm not going over there again until we set some clear ground rules. He's almost always out of earshot (off with FIL) when these comments are made, so I don't think he realized how bad it was getting and he's also had 35 years experience in tuning her out so he has trouble understanding why I can't. His strategy generally is to just ignore her. Hard for me to do when I'm alone with her and baby in the living room!

They are *sort of* of a different culture, in that they're Jewish from FL and my family is Episcopalian from NE (Don't even get me STARTED on the WASP jokes MIL likes to make at family dinners). But still all-American.

I love some of the confrontation scripts! I'm going to have to remember some of these lines![/quote]

OP when I read this, I had to check the date on the post b/c i thought I had written it! I can't tell you the number of times that I have been with my in-laws and DH and FIL disappear into the living room and are chatting it up while MIL hovers over me in the kitchen area and throws criticisms at me right and left. My Dh's strategy is also to ignore his mother and if I complain about her, he just ignores me! My Dh has been dealing with his mother for 35 years also and has learned to completely tune her out. She will say outrageous things to him as well but he completely ignores it.

I will never forget one time when I was about 8 months postpartum and making baby food in my kitchen. FIL and DH disappeared into the TV room and MIL plopped herself at the kitchen table (not offering to help me AT ALL!) and threw criticisms at me right and left about how I was not making baby food correctly and not doing it the way they do it in "her home country". DH was nowhere to be found and did not hear any of her comments.

I have to see my inlaws once a week as well. They are from another culture where this is expected. If I don't go, DH is still required to take the kids to see them. And when I am a no-show, my MIL throws out a barrage of questions as to where I am and what I am doing. If I am a "no show" for more than one weekend in a row, all hell breaks lose and I get accused of ignoring the family. DH is not good at standing up for me.

Also, since my MIL's goal is to separate me from my baby, I hate to give her that satisfaction by NOT showing up at the weekly family gathering. If I don't show up, she gets her weird dream of controlling my baby separating us. [/quote]

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