Reply to Everyone says that they are busy with their own lives, no time for me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get what you're saying and I feel the same way sometime -- if I don't email anyone or plan anything, no one reaches out to me. But I don't think as much about it as you do. Think of it this way - if this is how life is meant to be for you -- i.e. you can make efforts and get some social contact or you can make no efforts and get no interaction, what would you want? Isn't casual friendship and some company better than nothing? If yes, keep doing what you're doing and see where it takes you. Enjoy the time that you do spend with people and don't worry about whether or not they will reach out to you or when you'll hang out next. If no (and I do know people who say if I can't have BFFs, I don't want anything), then stop trying -- and make your peace with finding fun activities that you and DH enjoy and don't worry about what anyone else is doing on weekends in comparison.[/quote]

OP here.  I think this is very good advice.  I do agree that casual friendship and occasional company is better than nothing, though I would prefer close friendships and being with people every weekend.  I love to be around others and feel awful when I am alone.

It is very hard, however, to not compare myself to everyone else I meet (who all seem to have tons of plans and lots of friends and family around).  [b]When I hear about co-workers fun weekend plans and all their friends and family I just feel so sad and depressed.[/b]  I can't help feeling this way, because I have never failed so miserably at something I've tried so hard for (trying to make friends).[/quote]

OP, I strongly suspect that you have one or two individuals at your office who, over time and through familiarity, have divined your insecurity about your social life and are either consciously or unconsciously playing on this by dropping info about their so called fun filled, packed weekends.  They are doing this to undermine you or to feel better about themselves or both.  Again, it might be unconscious.  You in turn are rewarding them with wistful facial expressions or whatever, and the cycle continues.

The best way to break this cycle is to actually plan and have a fun cool weekend, then you feel more balanced and less invested in what they did.  Your indifference increases, healthily, and they pick up on this.  IE, they say, "I'm so overbooked this weekend that I am having drinks with one group of friends tonight, dinner with another group, then meeting 2 other families the next day for soccer and cookout."  you say, "yeah, I'm so glad its the weekend too, I'm really looking forward to it."  Then you actually go with another couple on a Virginia wine tasting tour or whatever, or try out the new Korean bbq joint, or whatever.  Cultivate your own interests as you plan, far ahead, some activities.  Monday morning you don't feel sad or defensive about what you did over the weekend, catty coworkers pick up on it, everyone is better off.

Your new interest in stuff will make you more interesting and people may invite you more, or if not, it's ok, cause you have planned interesting stuff on your own too.  Mom coming to town, cool, you all are going to check out the new xyz exhibit at the Hirschhorn.  Plan it up.  Add in some weekends away.  Camp at Assateague.  put in a few hours at the gym sat and sun, and don't forget to host a family for brunch once in a while or invite a bunch of your kids' friends over for a valentine making party (you will chat with the parents too), etc etc.  volunteer work, garden cleanup day at the school, lordy it just never stops does it, how did you get so busy?[/quote]

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