Reply to Did schools used to have behavioral problems like they do now?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] [b]The kid whose parent has the wherewithal to be calm and patient in that situation instead of grabbing the kid by the arm and dragging him out of the pool, or screaming at him, is not the kid who is having the massive meltdown in class that gets the classroom evacuated. [/b]The gentle parented kid might have other issues if his parents don't figure out how to set limits, but the truth is that a parent willing to spend several minutes talking to their kid when they aren't doing what they've been told is demonstrating patience and emotional regulation, which is still better than screaming and yanking your kid around in terms of teaching them how to behave.[/quote]

This is generally true, but there are also the gentle parented kids whose refusals are a complete disruption to the other kids and staff because at school, with a system that avoids consequences, and an audience of peers, refusal can quickly turn into defiance. “I don’t want to stop playing my computer and do my work! I don’t have to listen to you!” Peers watch this, and join in, and it can become a nightmare to handle.[/quote]

I think this can happen sometimes but is really not the bulk of behavioral issues in school.

People give the "gentle parenting" folks a hard time but at least in the context of this issue -- serious behavioral problems at school -- you're targeting the wrong people. These are usually people who put a ton of effort into parenting, are reading books about parenting, even taking classes, etc. Gentle parenting is insanely labor intensive. So whatever else you want to say about it, these parents are attentive and committed. And that's just not who produces kids who make school miserable. Also parents like this are more likely to actually get special needs addressed (because they are paying close attention to their kids and tend to be more anxious, and thus likely to get their kids evaluated).

The real culprit is the same as it's always been -- the neglected and abused kids with immature or absent parents. It's been this way forever. If you see a kid getting violent, having regular melt downs without any action from parents to address, etc., 9 times out of 10 you will find a kid with neglect or abuse at home.

If we concentrated half the ire that gets directed at gentle parenting instead at easily identified abuse and neglect, we'd make a lot more progress. Like instead of freaking out about some mom negotiating her kid out of the pool (annoying, okay, but not that big of a deal), let's focus on the mom who left her three kids at the pool unattended to go do drugs somewhere else. That's where the real problems are.[/quote]

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