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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]What about in families where there is a mix? For example in birth order: a bio child, adopted child, another bio child.

Open adoption so the child has known the bio mom, dad AND grandparents who regularly visit the family home. Now the bio mom and dad are in new relationships and one of them are pregnant/expecting a child.

They are excited to introduce the new baby to the adopted child as a "sister/brother." But no mention of how to integrate that baby with the bio children. Or how to address the grandparent issue.

The adoptive parents have expressed they want to have an element of control over what is said to all the kids and there is a subtle hint that if it doesn't go according to their wishes, the "open" adoption may begin to have the door swing shut.

What is the healthiest way for this to be explained to the adopted child and the bio children in the family?[/quote]

This isn't an answer to this exact question but I will share as an adoptive parent that it is incredibly painful to watch the impact that a fact pattern like this has on adopted children.  The message being imparted by the bio parents is that neither of them were willing to step up and parent adopted child, but they are more than willing to parent another child they are having with a different partner.  That's what the child is very likely to feel---that they are "less than" this new baby.  The bio parent needs to clearly understand that is the potential message that they are sending.  The adoptive parents are well within their rights to feel protective and entitled to have a say in how this potentially devastating news is handled.  Had I known that my child was going to be sandbagged with a surprise half-sibling when meeting one of their bio parents I would have insisted the meeting be handled differently---especially since it was very obvious from age of half sibling that bio parent had chosen to let DC languish in foster care while entering into new relationship and parenting new child.  I personally think open adoption to this extent---where bio family continually "drops in"---is a bad idea.  It is confusing and painful for a child and relegates adoptive parents---the people who ARE doing the hard day to day work of childrearing and making a lifelong commitment to that work---into foster caregivers.[/quote]

Thanks for the insights from your perspective as an adoptive parent.

In the case above, it is going to be very problematic because the adoptive family's biological children are now used to the adoptive child's parents & grandparents being part of their lives for several years now. The bio parent and partner have already been to the home and told ALL the children there is a new baby on the way.

Since the adopted child KNOWS who their biological parents & grandparents are it will be almost impossible to cut them off without damaging psychological implications to everyone, wouldn't it? But the adoptive parents are not the type who want complications if it's too much hard work, and won't think twice about forbidding the adoptee's family to still come around.

I agree that in being this "open" was far too much and now there is going to be life-long fallout, I'm afraid. [/quote]

I find it very offensive you term a child adopted child.  Adoption is how a child joins a family.  It should define the place in the family.  [/quote]

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