Reply to Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No abuse. No cheating that I know of. Just one person who is fine with the status quo (him) and one person who is not (me.) Late 40’s, marriage 20+ years, two teens.

Is there any point to marriage counseling? Or are my choices just accept it (I’ve tried!!) or leave?[/quote]

What specifically are you unhappy about? What would you hope to change?
Its hard to answer your question without understanding whether or not you have valid reasons.[/quote]

I want to make plans and do things. I want him to want to make some (not all) of those plans. I want him to want to do anything other than just work and sit at home doing nothing. He is in charge of cutting the grass and paying the bills that come due. He couldn’t tell you what days our kids have practice or games or where. He will call me on his way home from work and say “does anyone need to be picked up?” And “what were we thinking for dinner?” and to him this makes him an Involved Father. Never reads school emails, team emails, group chats. Never fills out forms or signs anyone up for anything. Never plans a vacation or a basic meal or an activity. His idea of a plan is “what should we watch on Netflix?” About once a week he will feign interest in me which is my cue that he wants to have s*x. And then he’ll be checked out again until the next time. It’s boring and lonely. When the structure of kids school and activities fall away (only a few years away) I’m so sad to think what our life will be like. He’s not concerned in the least.

And the most upsetting part is that I’ve told him all these things so many times and he just acts like I’m being ridiculous. [/quote]

This is SO easy to solve. Make your own plans, invite him.  "[b]Husband, I want to go to London the first week in October. Would you like to come with me? I've ask and if you want to come, my parents can take care of the kids. If you prefer to stay home with the kids Susie Q said she'd go with me." Then DO IT.[/b] Either you start going on trips with friends and have a great time without your husband, or eventually he'll join in. This goes for anything. You can  include the kids. This can go for classes, exercise, whatever. Offer the option to join you, then DO IT ANYWAY without him. He will eventually join in. Or not, and in that case you always have somebody to care for the dog.[/quote]

No one on the receiving end of this will take kind of backing into a corner seriously. Yes, you can just say you are going to go out of town and leave your kids with your husband, a unilateral decision. But don't play around with words and make it sound like it is his choice.[/quote]

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