Reply to When other kids are unkind to your kid, how do you keep emotional distance from it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nope. I definitely hold grudges against these kids. In fact, I just saw one today who told my kid to shut up in maybe 6th grade. He's in high school now and I still thought a negative thought about him when I saw him. [/quote]

The stuff that gets me is not the blunt insults (which are almost always addressed in the moment by someone), it's the subtle cruelty. My DD once told me that the difference between boys and girls is that boys just say mean stuff out loud and then get in trouble for it, but girls are mean in a "sly" way they don't get in trouble for. Certainly that's been true for her.

There was a boy who once called her the b-word at school, and she definitely still remember it and it was upsetting, but she got over it a long time ago because he was immediately reprimanded and everyone told her it wasn't okay he did that. I don't think either of us holds a grudge against that kid because it's obvious he has other issues.

Meanwhile some of the stuff girls have done... it's so much worse. Stuff like moving all her stuff out of her desk and to another desk so that her assigned seat mate could sit with someone she liked more, and then the girls playing dumb when asked about it and nothing was ever done (DD didn't even get her seat back!). This is the stuff that drives me crazy, the subtle meanness that flies under the radar but chips away at a kid's self confidence little by little. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a war with these kids to retain my kid's self worth. I will never say a word to these kids about it and I can smile and pretend like I like them fine, but I'll never forget this stuff. It's next level.[/quote]

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