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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Two things come to mind, from a mid-30s mom who has a tough relationship with her own mother:

First, have your own interests outside of your kids. My mother left the workforce when I (only child) was born and never returned. She has very few friends and no real hobbies. When she calls, I resent it, because she doesn't have anything of her own to talk about and expects me to entertain her. It feels more like a demand to put on a performance than a genuine attempt to connect.

Second, treat your kids with a baseline level of respect. Growing up, my mom afforded me no privacy whatsoever. She would barge into my room without knocking and read my diary. When I confided in her (low stakes things like telling her about a boy I liked or that I wanted to start shaving my legs), she would tell my dad, even though she promised not to. As a young adult, I would occasionally have mail sent to their home and she would open and read it.  [/quote]

I could have written the first half of this. My mom had hobbies when I was younger, but none that could be carried into her elderly years, such as sports. So she relies on other people to fill her time and entertain her. She pouts and makes us feel guilty if she hasn’t left the house in a couple of days. (She can still drive and is free to go anywhere she wants.) Since she doesn’t have hobbies, she mostly just wants to talk about other people. It is often stuff that I do not care to hear about or that she really should not be sharing. This keeps me from confiding in her because I don’t want her telling other people my business. For example, we could use her help and advice with finances right now. She’s pretty good at that. But I don’t want my siblings, her friends, and several random relatives to know about my financial strains.

In spite of all that, I am generally close to her and do my best to spend time with her, and I enjoy spending time with her. But I do have some resentment towards her because of all this. She drains my social battery and this has affected my ability to maintain friendships. [/quote]

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