Reply to Evaluate this married couple's division of labor

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Division of labor has recently become an issue in our marriage.  Before losing my mind, I want unbiased opinions on whether either spouse has a legitimate gripe.  I've tried to be fair in putting together a list of each spouse's responsibilities to see if either of us are overreacting. Neither of us seems to feel like our contributions are appreciated.

Are we both stuck in our own silo. Is this a fair division of labor or does either Spouse A or B have the right to complain? Are there any areas I may be missing? Any recommendations to minimize the headbutting. For context we have two elementary aged kids (3rd and 5th grade).

SPOUSE A
* Works in office 5 days a week; contributes one-fourth of household income
* Responsible for managing family calendar to include scheduling kids activities,  camps,  etc.
* Does the holiday gift shopping
* Prepares the weekly grocery list for grocery store pickup
* Washing and folding of kids laundry
* Schedules house cleaners (they aren't on regular schedule)
* Shops for kids clothes
* Prepares school lunches
* Picks up kids from school
* Shuttles kids to evening activities with occasional help from spouse
* Responsible for daily dinners every other week (mostly cooks packaged meals like frozen dinners)
* Coaches/leads two kids sports/activities

SPOUSE B
* Works in office 2-3 days per week with great flexibility; contributes 3/4 of HHI
* Responsible for family finances including budgeting,  retirement planning, bill pay
* Plans family vacations/trips
* Responsible for house and yard maintenance and upkeep including planning and coordination of contractors for large projects and hands-on work for routine maintenance and repairs
* Picks up and puts up groceries
* Cleans house in between cleaners visits to include vacuuming/mopping, bathrooms, dusting
* Packs school lunches and feeds kids breakfast
* Drops off kids at school and is the primary at-home parent (watches kids on no-school days,  picks up kids when sick or early dismissals)
* Primary shuttle for kids weekend activities with occasional help from spouse
* Responsible for daily dinners every other week (mostly cooks from scratch meals)
* Coaches/leads two kids sports/activities 
[/quote]

Just putting it out there that income should not matter if you are both working FT. Its division of labor. [/quote]

Wild take. The low income spouse should quit their hobby job and bring down the work load on everyone.[/quote]

In no world is making a quarter of a family's total income a "hobby" job. A hobby job is one that contributes know meaningful income to the family or even costs money. Also no hobby job involves 5 days a week in office unless we're talking part time, like someone spending 1-2 hours a day at a gym working as a personal trainer (while spending everything they make on workout gear) or 2 hours a day working for minimum wage at an art gallery or something. Literally any full time job is, by definition, not a hobby.

Also in a set up like this where one partner works a lower paying full time job in office with little flexibility and the other partner works a high paying but flexible job with a lot of WFH, the higher paying spouse is often an entrepreneur or in a more volatile field. This can make the lower paying spouse's job essential for both providing benefits and also as an insurance policy against the higher earner's risk of job loss or down years. My spouse's solid but not high paying government job served this purpose for years while I built my business, even in years where my take home was several multiples of his -- there is no way I could have built a business while also having small kids at home otherwise. So his job enabled mine even though mine was ultimately more lucrative.

Also the minute the lower paid spouse quit their job, the workload would increase overall because if you cut your income by 25%, say good bye to ever having house cleaners, any marginal childcare, any food options that cost a bit more but cut down on prep or stress, and now you have less for vacations, therapy, and entertainment, all of which help ease the burden of being a two income family.[/quote]

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