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[quote=Anonymous]My DH's explanation for this behavior was his childhood; no one attended to his needs (only child, divorced, uninvolved parents) so he "learned to handle things alone" and therefore needs variable/unlimited time to "process" when we disagreed.

For a while this helped, in that I felt I understood the origin of his behavior. Then, I realized that no matter how much his behavior made sense in light of his upbringing, if he wasn't willing to change the dynamic with me, he was just continuing an unhealthy cycle. Also, while I agree his upbringing is connected this adult behavior, I also believe this about control for him. His pouting ends up dictating the mood and ovearall vibe in the house, as long as he wants it to happen. No matter how cheerfully I ignore his sulking, the house is heavy and tense when he's like this, and it doesn't break until he's ready. I hate it.

I told him I couldn't live like that and we needed to meet in the middle. He may need space after a disagreement, but I need life to continue. Eating dinner in silence, going to bed angry, or waking up and not making eye contact are all examples of what he'd continue to do until he was "ready" to reconnect. It was like being a in prison, waiting it out.

We agreed that I'd give him space, but he couldn't ignore me.

It's not ideal, but it's our current plan. We will see if it improves. I also made a deal with myself that if the old behavior reverts, I'm walking. I'm not afraid to be alone, and peace is worth it. I hope he figures it out, but if not, I'll let go. I told him this, not sure if believes it, but that may be what it comes to.[/quote]

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