Reply to 39F: Wish List for a Husband

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[quote=Anonymous]Here’s my 2 cents (which between inflation and the discontinuation of the penny is what this advice is worth):

I don’t think people should look for marriage.  I think you should live your best life, and in doing so you’re likely to connect with people who have similar interests.  This is an excellent way to start a friendship, and there is always the possibility that a friendship could develop into something more romantic.  You certainly don’t want to marry someone who isn’t also a friend.   In the meantime, you’ve done what you’ve wanted and hopefully made some great friends.

Every relationship requires compromise.  Hopefully, in a marriage,  your partner brings you enough benefits to outweigh the negatives, but there is always an opportunity cost.  Even a good marriage has ups and downs, but a bad marriage may reach depths you’ve yet to imagine and you may struggle to gind your way up.  When single, you don’t have to compromise, and your happiness is dependent on you.  When you marry, there will inevitably be some things you have to sacrifice.  Being single may be lonely sometimes, but it is infinitely better than being lonely in a marriage.

As for kids, you don’t want to have them with someone who you aren’t 100% convinced will be both the love of your life AND a good father.  While there are no guarantees, you want to give a child the happiest and most stable home you can.  As a parent, it is your job to benefit them, not vice versa.  Moreover, parenting is HARD.  It can strain time, energy, finances, and patience, and things that seemed minor differences between 2 adults can turn into major differences when it comes to raising your child.

If having children in your life is important, but you haven’t found the right man yet, you can explore options like:  adoption, becoming a foster parent, sperm donor, volunteering as a Big Sister, etc.  The actual conception of the child is in many ways the least significant part of parenting.[/quote]

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