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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So not exactly the same situation but enough similarities that I feel like I can discuss this —

My wife suffers from something similar to chronic fatigue, though not quite that.  A few years ago, our marriage was at a breaking point — she was seeing endless doctors trying to find an answer, branching off into more and more unorthodox doctors (some of whom were abusive quacks), spending more and more time in bed, to a point where she was on a medical leave from work, and was generally becoming a shell of herself.   I tried to be supportive, but, yes, I will admit — after two years, no answers, watching my wife wither, no sex drive at all — and, I was never really trained to be Florence Nightingale and just generally not well equipped for a caretaker role — I was filled with resentment, anger, etc.   And she was in turn angry and resentment of me for being angry and resentment of her.  It was a bad cycle …

But ….

She got into a CBT style treatment plan that emphasized and helped her learn to be “functional” with alot of lifestyle modifications. Coming out of that, she started to rebound.  She eventually recognized how stressful her job was and she traded it to do something she loves (money is not an issue, I do very well)

Meanwhile on my side of the street — I started to focus more on myself and not letting her illness dictate my happiness.  Before, if she was having a bad day, then I would have a bad day.  Now, if she is having a bad day, I just go about my day and do not let her medical problems drag me down.   At the same time, I also found religion and it completely changed my view on love, service, and relationships.  I had not been to church for about 20 years.  I went on a random whim one weekend in the spring of 2023 and haven’t missed a Sunday since.    I have been inspired by the life that Jesus lead and to serve and not be served.  I started to double down on doing a lot of the small things with household chores that I know my wife appreciates.  And I did them with a different heart now — instead of grumbling and doing things begrudgingly, I did them as a way to truly reflect my love back to her.  I came to a mature recognition that marriages are going to have ups and downs and you don’t just throw in the towel.   I also came to realize that my vows on my wedding day were a future promise to my wife, not just empty words briefly said during the ceremony.   At my church, I met a community of really wonderful people who have become close friends, including some married couples who have inspired me greatly with their marriages.   They have also become my own support network in challenging caregiver days.   I also stopped watching porn — yes, I will say that part out loud, my lack of sex with my wife had led to more and more porn usage which was not helping matters at all — feeding unhealthy expectations around sex and intimacy.   It was my own way of numbing the pain in my marriage and it had to go too.

In short, we both made a lot of big changes.

That was 3 years ago.  Our marriage has never been better than it is now.   Things have turned around completely.  For sure, there are still bumps in the road — this isn’t perfect by any means.   But the general trajectory is all headed in the right direction now.

I will also say that we did all of this under the guidance of a relationship coach who truly helped both of us so much.  He wasn’t afraid to confront us, challenge us, and help us grown into becoming better people.  I am forever grateful.  [/quote]

This is lovely.[/quote]

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