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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lady, she’s autistic. She’s not a sociopath, she sounds like a textbook autistic 14 yo (living horror is so common) and is behaving like autistic teens behave when they are under supported and incredibly anxious and feeling out of control. Others have successfully walked this path before. You have gotten some pretty good advice on this thread - a strong IEP, DBT therapy, a neuropsych evaluation for her, a psychiatrist for meds. Also therapy for you. You seem resistant to some of the good suggestions offered - I realize you are tired overwhelmed but take some baby steps. Good luck.[/quote]

We have already approved the IEP.  What would YOU say makes up a strong IEP for an autistic 14yo?  I'm trying to find a path forward that makes sense with where we are at now. I can talk to DH about the possibility of a neuropsych evaluation, but frankly I don't feel I need to rush that step.  We had already consulted with someone for one several months ago.  But we decided that we would follow the path for doing the free school evaluation first and see where that led.

She has been seeing a therapist for 3 months. I have done about 3 years of therapy which I ended about a year ago - it helped a lot with the parenting struggles, the relationship struggles, learning healthier communication skills, coping strategies, and my building my self esteem.

All that to say, I'm not in denial or refusing to take any steps. I don't want to make decisions that are counter-productive.  And I have an entire school team who literally spent several weeks evaluating her through many tests and classroom observations, and teacher interviews, telling me that our daughter [b]does not meet the criteria for autism [/b]or adhd.  They acknowledged she shares many similar traits.  But there were certain markers that were missing in her which are needed to actually meet the criteria. [/quote]Does not meet criteria for educational autism. Yes, the schools will gaslight you into saying she’s not autistic but they only mean in the educational sense. If you don’t want to know and prefer denial, then say so but she has not been evaluated properly.[/quote]

Help me understand in depth what I will get beyond what we already have (IEP supports) for doing the additional testing.  The testing costs $5-6k which is a lot of money to us.  [/quote]

Just my 2 cent. 
If she is doing fine at school but lash out at home, it could be autistic burnout, she masks so hard.
Proper diagnosis could maybe help the family navigating the issue at home (parents training, coach, family therapy, medication)
My kid is the opposite, doing fine at home because it is his safe place, but not at school.. he hates school, that is why IEP helps him.
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