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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And maybe stop catering to her so much. Take a break. If she is picky about food, only go out of your way if she is polite. Step away from being her punching bag. [/quote]

+1
Why are you indulging her picky eating and taking all of this verbal abuse? Don't engage. Ignore. Leave the room.

Personally, I would clean her room, launder her clothes, and cook regular meals that the rest of the family is eating. If she complains, offer to drive her to the grocery store so she can buy ingredients for a meal that she wants to cook. If she starts yelling, then leave the room.

If she starts talking about wanting you dead, then say "that is a hurtful thing to say" and leave the room. If she starts yelling at or engaging with her siblings in an inappropriate way, then take them and leave the house to drive to the park or somewhere else.

You don't have to put up with her abuse.[/quote]

This is actually a big thing I took away from the advice on this thread, and I have been doing it, and it has been much, much better.

I detached myself.  Very little conflict, because I just refuse to engage with her when she tries to start a fight with me.  I did start cleaning her room regularly, preparing all her meals, and cleaning up after her, and that's pretty much eliminated all the nagging.  I told her I would be doing these things for her since she wasn't doing them, and it's been clear she has not been able to do them on her own.  I don't nag her anymore about going to bed at a decent hour, or whether or not she eats the foods we prepare her.

She did freak out on me for cleaning her room, and putting her things away, because she doesn't want me touching her stuff, but I was non-emotional about it and told her I'd continue to do it as long as she wasn't doing it.  I stopped trying to engage with her - because it only ever led to insults.

She still tries to spontaneously start fights with me, but I just tell her that I don't want to argue with her. I stopped doing anything special for her.  She still asks me to do things for her, like run errands for her to pick up a special food for her.  I just ignore them or tell her I'm not able to.  I stopped greeting her in the morning, because she has always responded with something like "Go away" or "Go die".

It's made me realize I have complete control over my own reactions and my feelings.  I think I was worried she'd be angrier that I was detaching, but she is actually less angry and seems a lot calmer.  [/quote]

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