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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don’t withhold contact. Line up some therapy for the summer. She may need some extra support in finding her groove at college. My daughter had different issues than yours but needed a lot of time and contact. I’ve never regretted being there for her.[/quote]

She had therapy which was not helpful. And to be clear it’s not like I don’t want to be there for her. I worry I am there for her in such a way it makes things worse bc sure I don’t want her to be lonely, but I also don’t want to be the reason she does not try to find other outlets. People say it will pass but I know several people in their 30s and even 40s who never became independent. We have majorly stepped back on advice bc she does not listen or then does but says it doesn’t work. There has been zero progress with our current way.[/quote]

What does she say about it not working? A lot of people say they need to be pushed to go out, but when they do, they are glad they went. If that's not her, what exactly is she saying? That she didn't have a good time and doesn't want to go again, or that she liked it and wanted to make friends with the people but they didn't want to be friends? Does she want friends and relationships?[/quote]

She does want friends but does not try to make friends and does not follow through so people think she’s not interested. Like the language group: she was invited to a bday party and a lunch and went to neither, then she claims she did not like them enough. We’ve had many talks about this. Earlier in the year I’d send her events all the time but she’d make excuses. She sits in her dorm on weekends or will go read or to a coffee shop alone. She has many people she could ask bc she does know people but she refuses to initiate plans. [/quote]

This sounds a lot like me in college though I don't think I called my parents that much. I was very lonely until my senior year when I had finally made a couple of close friends. I spent many years after college feeling very isolated until I met my husband in grad school.  To this day I have a lot of trouble initiating plans with friends. I honestly think I might be autistic (my kid was recently diagnosed). I recently started taking an SSRI which has helped a lot. I tried therapy and it didn't help.

I don't think reducing contact will help your child that much, but I think it could help to set some healthy boundaries. You can say you are busy sometimes.[/quote]

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