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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It depends on your parents' mentality. All you can do is try.

My parents are driving me crazy. They refuse to do any planning. They only react to emergencies, and this year they've had dire medical emergencies! I thought this would be the perfect time to help them plan, but nope... it's either: "I can't deal with this because I'm in the hospital/your father is in the hospital", OR "now I'm out of the hospital/your father is out of the hospital, we're going to wait a bit to talk about planning because we're taking a breather, we're not quite ready". In short, they're NEVER ready. My father has a serious disease that required monthly hospital visits. He's stable, but will probably never be cured. So unless they're willing to plan while being in a state of moderate and perpetual medical situation... nothing will ever get done.

I don't know what's going to happen to them, OP. My father refuses to hand over his bank account info, passwords, etc, even though last time he was hospitalized, my mother, who doesn't have access to them, was running short of cash. It's crazy. If and when he's completely incapacitated, I think they expect me to run over to them (they live in Europe!!!), pick up all the pieces, and just hand over my money to pay everything, while their money sits in their bank accounts. If that happens, I will be livid.

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Start telling them how you have money issues and can’t pay for your ticket to see them. Let them know you don’t have money to hold them over in case there’s no access to theirs [/quote]

PP you replied to. I blooped, though. A few months ago, when my mother was overwhelmed during my father's first and longest hospitalization, I reassured her that if anything happened to him, we would take care of her, etc, etc. And in general, even though we haven't described our assets, it's hard to hide the fact that we're not poor. However, our money is prioritized for our kids, one of whom has a serious chronic disease. We can help out every now and then, but the idea that they would just throw up their hands and just start relying on us sticks in my craw. I expect from them a modicum of financial self-care!

If they were both demented or truly incapacitated, I would be entirely supportive and understanding. But it doesn't appear to me that this is the case. They go out with relatives, and manage their immediate medical needs quite well. But anything that's non-immediate are non-preferred tasks that just keep getting pushed back. It seems to me like it's a choice. A poor one.
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