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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have to accept that this is what they want and dying unnecessarily or in an unpleasant way is their choice. And treating their family badly is also a choice and they are choosing it. Stop fighting them, it's not worth it. I've had to accept this with my dad, and if at some point he loses the ability to know where he is anyway, I will move him. [/quote]

+1.  It's horrible, but eventually I came to accept that my parents wanted to live as they always had, and any ideas and support were unwanted.  At some point there will be a fall or other emergency, and they will go wherever my siblings and I can find placement, but at least they will have stayed in their home as long as possible.  Which is what they really want.  It's very hard to come to terms with and my siblings and I look like deadbeats to their neighbors and friends, but you can't make people do what they don't want to do.  In my parents case they have always been stubborn, so at least I have the peace of mind of knowing this unreasonable behavior isn't dementia.[/quote]

OP here. Yes, same here they have always been very stubborn so this is not new behavior. And my mother is very immature and has zero understanding of finances (and I mean zero. She doesn’t even know what a principal is).

This comment in particular gives me peace because yes, I guess you are right that their main goal is to stay there as long as possible. Rather than downsize now into something modest but comfortable maybe they would prefer more years in their large home followed by awful years in a low grade place because they did not plan or take steps to pay for something nicer.

The house is their main asset. The money they could make in its sale will be the main source of funds they have to pay for any sort of care in the future. If they choose not to sell and let it deteriorate, then I guess they will have to face the consequences if they are unhappy with what they can afford later.

I have shared properties that are lovely with the hope of inspiring them to reconsider and they refuse to even look. The last time I shared one with my mother, a nearly million dollar property, mind you, she turned it into criticism of my taste and said she would probably die of depression if she lived there.

I am absolutely taking this as a learning opportunity and will never put my children through this. This is part of why I asked the question about finances and what we are on the hook for. My husband and I have made saving and living frugally a priority so that we leave our children with something. I fear we will get roped into supporting my parents if they do not start to make better financial decisions such as selling the house and taking steps to downsize their lifestyle. This is all aside from my concerns over their physical safety in the current situation. 
[/quote]

I'm glad it helped.  As frustrating as this is, a house on a large lot in Bethesda will sell to some family who wants a new build or a major reno anyway.  I have the opposite problem, my mom is dumping money into an old home in a very desirable town and it's just going to be a teardown.  I'm glad she's pleased with all her projects, but she keeps thinking she will recoup all her "investments."  [/quote]

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