Reply to Modern Love: Lindy West and polyamory

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When a guy marries someone less successful and more attractive and lives with her cheating on him, that seems possible to understand in a framework that's neither "he deserved to be cheated on" nor "this whole arrangement empowers him." It can just be a trade-off he's making.[/quote]

I disagree that he's more attractive. Lindy is very pretty and photogenic, she's just also fat. Her husband is very generic and is also not thin or fit, he just happens to be less fat than she is. Obviously a lot of people are fat phobic, including Lindy herself, who absolutely views her husband as more attractive simply because he's thinner than she is. It's really sad.

I don't think anyone is suggesting she deserves to be cheated on, nor that the arrangement is empowering. Rather I think the main issue people have is that the whole idea of polyamory is being used to try and normalize a transparently bad relationship as merely an alternative lifestyle. Had Lindy entered into this arrangement willingly or enthusiastically, instead of her husband coercing her by lying and gaslighting, I'm sure people who hate polyamory would be mad about it but no one else would care. The reason people are worked up is because the language that Lindy uses to describe the situation herself indicates she does not like it, is unhappy, but also is clinging to the one shred of self-worth she derives from being married and feeling sexually attractive to this man and, now, his girlfriend.

It honestly sounds like her husband and his girlfriend realized Lindy was close to leaving but knew that they could reel her in by having the girlfriend claim attraction to Lindy. Because Lindy is starved for validation about her physical body, this was enough to pull her back into a relationship she knew was not working for but was afraid to leave.

Truly one of the saddest things I've read in a long time.[/quote]

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