Reply to MIL keeps competing with my mom for time with my kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think it is YOUR job to make sure grandchild time is equal. Grandparents don’t have “rights”.  I would not listen to her jabs about your parents. Call her out. “Lillian, why would you say something like that?” Is her snarky talk reserved for you only?  I suspect you are too polite.   Going forward, communicating with grandma is your husband’s job too.  Next time you want to invite her to a kid event or dinner, i[b]nsist that he do the asking/coordinating[/b]. [/quote]

If he wants. I would say “DH it’s Larla’s spring show next Tuesday, if you want to invite your mom” and let him decide. Honestly a lot of these men seem well aware their moms are awful and that’s why they’re not the ones engaging, have respect for the views of the one who spent his whole childhood with this person. You don’t think she just now started making petty comments do you?[/quote]

What kind of coddling does your husband need? He doesn't know when the show is? Needs to be told to invite is mommy? [/quote]
So which is it? So many mixed messages in this post.

Let’s say I open my kid’s backpack and see the note informing us about the spring show.

Do I just… not tell my husband? No, of course I inform him.

Now, do I nudge him to invite his mom?

If I nudge, I coddling

If I don’t nudge, it’s excluding MIL

If I invite her myself, well, that’s DH’s job

But I’d DH doesn’t, then he is a dud and I should have just invited her myself

But if I do, that’s my DH’s job

And if I don’t, then I’m deliberately excluding her

The wife just can not win no matter what she does. She will be blamed either way! [/quote]

You nailed it perfectly. [/quote]

Your first mistake was trying to fool everyone that the only communication about the show comes from a backpack note. Your husband isn't on the newsletter distribution or emails or the 100 other ways schools communicate. Your husband doesn't really care about any of this. The shows, the grandparent time, so you've taken it all on as a martyr. [/quote]
Fine, I’ll fix it for you:

My husband has ignored all of the communication regarding his child’s spring show:

Now, do I remind him about the event and nudge him to invite his mom?

If I remind and nudge, I coddling

If I don’t remind and nudge, it’s excluding MIL

If I invite her myself, well, that’s DH’s job

But if DH doesn’t, then he is a dud and I should have just invited her myself

But if I do, that’s my DH’s job

And if I don’t, then I’m deliberately excluding her

The wife just can not win no matter what she does. She will be blamed either way![/quote]

You’re getting very close to identifying the real problem.[/quote]

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