Reply to How to forgive spouse for initiating a gray divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous]I was in your shoes 18 months ago. But after the initial shock I realized I actually felt incredible relief. See if that's in there somewhere. Your life, my life no longer look like what we assumed they would look like and the divorce process continues to be brutal because not only does my ex want the grey divorce, he also wants to extract blood. AND STILL I am thankful every day that the lie is over and I get to build my life now on my terms. Yes I have taken a huge financial hit. Some days that feels terrifying but most days it's manageable. I got a therapist immediately and focused on myself and not much on his motivations for abruptly ending a decades long marriage. It's an interesting process. I'm dating again now. It's fun and low stakes. But that's down the road in your journey.

I'll never understand why my ex chooses to behave the way he does and and frankly, that's not my problem.

The early days post-separation were pretty awful but I fought back hard...by taking care of myself. Also, you don't owe anyone an explanation. Even 18 months later so many people in my life are still hurt and baffled by my ex's behavior. It's confusing to them, too, that he's not the person they thought he was. I set a clear boundary with other people. "I'm working on my own stuff. I can't give you a nice neat explanation. Just accept that who he is now was always in there somewhere and we all missed the signs."

Sending you virtual hugs. I found DCUM when my marriage imploded. Some people here are amazing, many are awful. Ignore the awful and take the support wherever you find it.[/quote]

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