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[quote=Anonymous]“So when I bring up the cheating that actually happened, the conversation somehow turns into him saying he doesn’t trust me and that I broke the relationship first.”

The above is an abuse technique known as DARVO - the acronym stands for deny, attack, reverse victim, and offender. He is denying any cheating and attacking you for cheating which reverses the victim and offender dynamic and makes you the offender. It’s a classic abuse technique and an invasion of accountability.

The thing he did with your mom – getting in touch with her and telling her a lie that would get her to be on his side is also an abusive technique known as “flying monkeys” or to be more charitable ball and use a psychology term “triangulation”. The flying monkey is someone recruited by the perpetrator to help him – sort of like the flying monkeys help the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz. Often of users or narcissists tell lies to friends and family members to try and recruit them to reinforce their gaslighting or manipulation of their partner. More charitably and psychological terms telling a third-party about problems in a relationship in order to get that third-party to assist in getting the Partner to change their behavior is known as “triangulation“. It is considered an unhealthy pattern of communication. Healthy communication expresses concerns directly.

Your BF is seriously abusive. Please leave him ASAP.  I’m sorry your Mom doesn’t support you. That is also seriously messed up. Please get an individual therapist and work on relationship skills and boundaries.[/quote]

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