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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was pretty suicidal for a long time believing I was unlovable and incapable of love.  Today I am no longer suicidal, but still no interest in love.  Dating is fun, but I stay in the shallow depths emotionally.

I am more empathetic to other people’s pain and distance myself from pretty much everyone.  I can’t get myself to go back to church, spiritually I am a hollow shell of the man I wanted to become.

Overall I would say I am comfortable in my resentment and decent at hiding my contempt for the world in casual settings.  [/quote]

your spouse was the only person you ever thought loved you?[/quote]

Unfortunately, yes.   I seem to have a lot of difficult situations to overcome that started with my parents.  I thought I had resolved those issues and built a life that proved to me that circumstances change when you change.  Her affairs put me back in a really bad place.  I know it was not about me, but the impact was so personal and profound that it changed my belief in what is possible.  I know I am not perfect by any means and made mistakes, but neither of us were without flaws.  My biggest flaw was believing it was possible that we both had each other’s best interests at heart, not my biggest mistake, but the one belief that caused me to overlook so many things.

It is funny that somehow I believed in the fairy tale of doing the right things for the right reasons will equal better outcomes.  I always knew there would be problems, but thought we were committed to working through them together.  I lost faith in myself and my ability to choose people that will help me grow instead of just using and abusing.  [/quote]

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